17 Things That Will Help You Absolutely Destroy Your Pokémon Go Rival
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The weekend is coming. Will you be ready take on the onslaught of trainers?
Pokémon Go has invaded every avenue of my life, and probably yours as well. It has squeezed its way into my news and social media feed...and has taken up what's left of my mental capacity.
I used to be a productive member of society. Now I just scramble after any Pokémon spawns like a degenerate lunatic.
I consider myself a fairly competitive guy. I like the idea of "owning" a gym and having a territory that I feel belongs to me. And owning a gym isn't easy: I need to stay out as long as possible to reinforce a gym or take one down. Maybe you have the same issues I do?
Here is what you need to keep you – and your phone – going:
1. First and foremost: Absolutely everyone should have a portable battery pack ($30).
As we all know, Pokémon Go sucks the life out of your phone. Nothing is worse than having a dead phone while everyone else is catching a nearby rare Pokémon spawn. Then you just sit there. Wallowing in jealously. Soon your jealously leads you to lash out at your friends. One by one, your friends cut you out of their life — leaving you alone, with a dead phone battery, and no one to blame but yourself.
Buy a battery pack. Get it here.
2. Hunting with a fellow trainer? This battery pack ($33) has a bigger capacity and an LED light in case you get stuck in some odd forest.
4. Perhaps you need a new charging cord too? Maybe even a 10-foot one ($7)?
So much room for activities!
5. Need to hatch some eggs quick? Get this phone mount ($14) and strap it to your bike, stroller, or shopping cart.
Word on the street is that you have to be moving less than 10 mph for the game to start counting distance toward your eggs, so take it slow and leisurely when you're biking.
Also, don't glance down at the screen when you're moving because that's dangerous and you could die. If you die, you can't play Pokémon Go.
Get it here.
6. A tiny skate board ($71) offers easy cruising around dense Pokéstop areas.
A skateboard is perfect for Pokémon Go. You move slow enough for it to count as walking, but flexible enough for you to just stop and grab a few stops before continuing on. This board in particular is TINY and easy to carry with you anywhere.
Get it here.
7. Ash's hat ($13) will keep the sun out your face.
9. Perhaps these iron-on patches ($9) that you can put on any jacket or bag.
10. Insect repellent ($4) because fuck mosquitoes.
Yeah I'm not the biggest fan of bugs. Spray yourself down if you're going to a bug-infested area.
Get some high-rated repellent here.
11. A case for your iPhone ($25) because you'll probably bump into something.
I like to think that I am not clumsy and careless with my $500 phone. But if we're going to be honest, I put my phone in all sorts of dumb places it doesn't belong. This case isn't waterproof, but it's apparently built to military standards.
Get the iPhone 6s Plus version here.
Get the iPhone 6/6s version here.
Get the Samsung Galaxy S7 version here.
Get the Samsung Galaxy S6 version here.
Get the LG G5 version here.
12. This case ($34) is waterproof, snowproof, and dirtproof, for those who venture into somewhere a bit rougher.
Pokémon Go has me crossing creeks, rivers, and all sorts of shenanigans while holding my phone. If you're a Very Determined Pokémon Trainer, this case would protect it if it slipped from your hands into any shallow body of water.
Get the iPhone 6 version here.
Get the iPhone 5s version here.
Get the Samsung Galaxy S7 version here.
13. Or maybe you just need a small minimalist case ($10) for scuffs.
14. This slick messenger bag ($24 to $49 depending on color) for keeping all your snacks, batteries, and cables in.
It's normally $49, but on sale for $24. This is a damn good deal for a quality bag that will go beyond just being a Pokémon Go bag.
Get it here.
15. An insulated water bottle ($19) because it's the middle of summer in the Northern Hemisphere and you would be crazy to not have one.
17. And, finally, this Charizard accessory set ($12), because you still feel like a kid inside and want to strike fear into your rival's heart.
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