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Welcome to another edition of “Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?”
I am your host, Jeff. The game is simple. Try to make it through this entire post without buying something. The list may seem like it’s random, but it’s not.
Don’t plan to buy anything? That’s OK! Stay and enjoy my groanworthy jokes! I italicize each pun for maximum cringe.
Come up with a better pun? Post in the comments! I DO READ ALL THE COMMENTS! DANGER! PUNS AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! GOOD LUCK, ALL! 😀
1. This wood box that keeps your socks in order.
Don't have one? Man, socks to be you.
Price: $18
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2. This eyeglass cleaner that uses carbon microfiber that won't damage your coatings.
Get all those smudges off so they aren't a pane in the glass.
Price: $20
3. This food bowl that makes eating more interactive for your dog.
Unleash your dog's intuition.
Price: $30
4. These Homesick Candles from BuzzFeed that smell like your home state.
Wick away all your homesickness!
Price: $30
5. These versatile fitness shoes that you'll want to wear everywhere.
Wearing them for days at a time would be quite a feet.
Price: $18 to $34
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6. This folding solar panel so you can charge your devices when you're out in nature.
Maybe your iPhone will sense nature in a different light.
Price: $49
7. This silicone placemat that has integrated bowls for easy cleaning.
For when your kid has a lot on their plate.
Price: $20
8. This lint brush that retracts into a smaller form for travel.
For when you need to brush off that date.
Price: $9
9. These 5-in-1 kitchen scissors that are able to crack your garlic cloves, open bottles, and cut wires.
For when your old ones just don't cut it.
Price: $22
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10. This cable organizer that straps onto your power adapter.
Seems cable-ple.
Price: $30
11. These key rings that easily open just by pressing on them.
I like these. They have a nice ring to them.
Price: $13
12. This mug with a hoop you can toss marshmallows or crackers into.
Never used one before? You ought to give it a shot.
Price: $24
13. This canister that lets you press all the air out of it to keep your coffee fresh.
A canister always keeps his coffee fresh.
Price: $12
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14. This cosmetic bag that lies flat so you don't have to search through it.
The only thing it won't do is let you makeup that exam.
Price: $25
15. This roll of painter's tape that peels off easy and stops paint from bleeding over the line.
I was gonna make a painter joke here, but it would've been a little off-color.
Price: $12
16. This knife that stands on its own so you don't have to dirty your counters.
This novelty will never get dull.
Price: $30
17. These hanger spacers that keep your clothes from mingling.
Spacer?! I hardly know her!
Price: $25
