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Welcome to another edition of “Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?”
I am your host, Jeff. The game is simple. Try to make it through this entire post without buying something. The list may seem like it’s random, but it’s not.
Don’t plan to buy anything? That’s OK! Stay and enjoy my groanworthy jokes! I italicize each pun for maximum cringe.
Come up with a better pun? Post in the comments! I DO READ ALL THE COMMENTS!
DANGER! PUNS AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! GOOD LUCK, ALL!
1. This collar and tie to make any pet look important.
“It’s been a ruff week, but this quarter’s earnings are going to be through the woof.”
5. These very fine-point pens that will let you fill in all those small details.
They come in a 30 pack. I figured that would be a fine point to make.
9. This weird container that bends around your odd-shaped sandwiches.
It’ll be jam packed!
10. This knork (a knife and fork combination).
What the fork will they think of next?
13. These laser-guided scissors that will never mislead you.
These are some cutting-edge scissors, man.
Aaaand that’s about it for this week. Maybe looking for more? There’s always last week’s edition.
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- Saturday is Trump's 100th day in office. We found an average of about one false statement per day from him and his aides so far 💯
- A luxury event called Fyre Festival turned into a total shitshow. Headliners dropped out and guests tweeted photos of bare-bones food and lodging 😱
- American Airlines gave workers a raise — to the highest pay in the industry — and Wall Street is furious. The company's stock has been falling since Thursday.
- A teen had a remarkably petty response when her ex asked for his prom money back: She paid him in all pennies 😏