TSA Agent Only Wants to Touch 'Boobs'
Get ready for another round of outrage at the TSA. Breast cancer survivor Adrienne Durso says she was forced to undergo an invasive pat-down on the delicate skin left by a mastectomy by an agent at the Albuquerque International Sunport airport. When her 17-year-old son wanted to know why his mom was being singled out, and he wasn't being searched, the agent's supervisor allegedly stated that he "didn't have boobs." Ah, so that's the pre-requisite for getting a pat down
Two Dads Make a Baby
Well, two mouse dads anyway. In a completely convoluted process that had something to do with the X chromosomes on boy DNA and the Y chromosomes on another boy's DNA, University of Texas geneticists just made mothers obsolete! Let's go drink the wine we couldn't have for nine whole months! Wait, what? Obsolete?
Tea Party Parades Out Slavedriver Obama (But They're Not Racist)
A Tea Party group is taking heat this week for depicting President Obama as a slavedriver on a float in a parade in Washington State this past weekend. Ah, another day, another set of Tea Partiers who can't believe their questionable tactics are being called racist. Memo to the Tea Party: before you plan your next rally, how about reading a few newspapers?
Semen Recipes: Never Swallow Again Ladies
There's no way to tell how many women spit and how many swallow when it comes to fellatio. But if you're in the latter camp and want to get into the former, how about some incentive to convince him you should never have to swallow again? We're talking semen recipes, ladies!
Vanilla Ice Wants to Help You Renovate Your House
We've seen the home renovation game turn contractors into stars -- hello, Ty Pennington. So what's a washed-up rap star to do when having your song covered on Glee isn't enough to put you back on top? Er, sign with the DIY Network and start renovating homes? Cue The Vanilla Ice Project
Furry Lesbians Don't Like Sarah Palin
The 19th Amendment gave women the right to vote 90 years ago today, and women are celebrating by not supporting Sarah Palin. Hey, it's their right, right? The presidential candidate has made using her gender against other women a habit, telling the uterus bearing among us that there's "a place in hell reserved for women who don't support other women." EMILY's List is going to hell. And they're taking the lesbian furries with them.
Terrorists Don't Kill Americans, Dogs Do
The terrorism threat level is at "elevated" today, "high" if you want to get on a plane. Just don't seek out Fido for comfort for your fears before boarding. While you're terrified that the big mean terrorists are out there plotting ways to destroy America as you know it, guess who's killing God fearing 'mericans? Not terrorists.
Political Condoms: Are You a Palin Or an Obama?
Now you can be bipartisan in the bedroom! A group of street vendors in New York City lost a battle over their rights to sell Barack Obama- and Sarah Palin-themed condoms on the street. So word has it they'll be turning to the Internet -- and the rest of you sexy patriots.
Vampires Move In On Dick and Jane: Sneak Peek
First the zombies and sea monsters took over Jane Austen's classics. How long did you expect the creepy creatures to wait until they took over children's classic fare? Dick and Jane has officially joined the ranks of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Sense and Sensibilities and Sea Monsters with a visit from the vampires.
Chelsea Clinton Wedding Vs. Bristol Palin Wedding: Which Mother of the Bride Is Worse?
Chelsea Clinton has always hidden her light under a basket, and it's no surprise she's keeping her wedding as low-key as possible. Unlike Bristol Palin. She's got a bit of grizzly in her when it comes to stealing the wedding thunder. With Bristol's nuptials supposedly slated for three weeks after Chelsea's, the Clinton daughter isn't up for any bride wars. But we can't say the same for Mama Grizzly and Madame Secretary of State. Could we have a mother of the bride war on our hands?
FCC Indecency Ruling: We Relive Those Naughty Moments
The FCC's days of ruling the airwaves with an iron fist are over. George Carlin's seven dirty words are back on TV and radio thanks to the Second Circuit Court of Appeals ruling that the FCC's current indecency policy "violates the First Amendment because it is unconstitutionally vague, creating a chilling effect that goes far beyond the fleeting expletives at issue here." So why does the FCC have its panties in a bunch anyway?
Vulva Lip Balm Is. . . For Which Lips?
Leave it to the folks at Vulva Love Lovely to let us know we're not being kind enough to our vulva. They've developed Vulva Lip Balm. And don't fret your pretty little head: It's vegan! Made with avocado oil, shae butter, sweet almond oil, candelilla wax, vitamin E, and vegan chai tea flavoring, the balm features a photo of "an un-altered, un-airbrushed model" with full bush. It says it's "for your lips." But we're left here wondering: Which ones?