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Are You A Naughty Boy?

You like it when I call you that, don't you?

Posted on

Hey there, handsome.

Eyecandy Images / Getty Images

I just have one question for you.

Are you a naughty boy?

  1. 1. Let's find out! First, be honest: how often do you lie on your taxes?

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    Very often. I'm not sure a single number on my tax return is honest. Including my social security.
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    I don't lie on my taxes. I have nothing to hide from the IRS.
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    I mean, I fudge the numbers a little bit, maybe...
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    I don't pay taxes.
  2. 2. When's the last time you called your poor mother?

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    Well, we aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment...
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    I haven't talked to my mom in years.
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    I phoned Mama this morning, per usual.
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    We speak now and then.
  3. 3. How much do you love America?

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    Not as much as I love sweet, sweet Canada.
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    With a level of patriotic passion that can never be diminished.
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    A good amount.
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    I lived for a few years in Europe, so what do you think?
  4. 4. Do you litter?

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    Just little things like gum wrappers and receipts!
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    No! Never! I love Mother Earth!
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    I smoke cigarettes just so I can throw them on the ground. I don't even like the taste of tobacco.
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    A toilet once fell off the back of my pickup truck onto the highway and I didn't stop to clean it up.
  5. 5. Have you ever killed another living creature?

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    What, like a bug? I've killed bugs. That's not crazy, plenty of people do that.
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    I killed a man in Reno just to watch him die in Reno which is where I was when this man died in Reno I shot him.
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    I'm a pacifist through and through. Never hurt a fly. Not even that one fly I really hate.
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    I hurt moths.
  6. 6. Do you believe in a Universal Morality, based largely on interpretations of truth and reality in the work of Parmenides of Elea?

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    Yep, sure.
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    Um?
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    N-no?
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    Fucking what?
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