Mr. Mime Isn't A Goddamn Pokémon

    We've been fooled for years by this charlatan.

    This is Mr. Mime.

    According to the National Pokédex, Mr. Mime is Pokémon #122.

    But that's a goddamn lie, isn't it? Because Mr. Mime isn't a Pokémon at all.

    Mr. Mime is just a fucking man.

    At most — at most — Mr. Mime is maybe some sort of magical man. A wizard, if you will. A conjurer of cheap tricks and illusions, sure. But a Pokémon? Never.

    Mr. Mime is the only Pokémon with an honorific title. That is because Mr. Mime is a fucking person, and not a Pokémon.

    Much like any other Homo sapien, Mr. Mime is a bipedal creature with two hands and two opposable thumbs. He has hair only on the top of his head. He cooks food. He wears clothes. He wears gloves. He wears shoes.

    He wears. Fucking. Shoes.

    Mr. Mime is called Mr. Mime regardless of whether it is a male or female. That's because Mr. Mime isn't a Pokémon, but one singular man who is fooling us all.

    He's just a man, and he has been riding this free Pokémon gravy train for years, making us think he's a goddamn magical creature. Well, he's not.

    This horrible man needs to stop fuckin' around and go get a job, because we are DONE being fooled. This has to STOP.

    See this? This is Ivysaur. Ivysaur is a real Pokémon, and not just some man.

    This is Porygon. Also a Pokémon, not a bitter and cornered man with nothing to lose and an apparently endless supply of face paint.

    In comparison to these actual Pokémon, Mr. Mime is quite obviously a man in a costume who repeats the words "Mr. Mime" over and over again because he has nothing else.

    So please stop calling Mr. Mime a Pokémon, or trying to capture or battle him. I'm pretty sure it's just enabling him to keep up this lie. Let's all just pretend he isn't real and maybe, just maybe, he'll go away.

    Fucking poser.