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    Posted on Dec 28, 2015

    Mr. Mime Isn't A Goddamn Pokémon

    We've been fooled for years by this charlatan.

    This is Mr. Mime.

    The Pokémon Company International

    Just look at him.

    According to the National Pokédex, Mr. Mime is Pokémon #122.

    The Pokémon Company International

    But that's a goddamn lie, isn't it? Because Mr. Mime isn't a Pokémon at all.

    The Pokémon Company International

    Mr. Mime is just a fucking man.

    The Pokémon Company International

    At most — at most — Mr. Mime is maybe some sort of magical man. A wizard, if you will. A conjurer of cheap tricks and illusions, sure. But a Pokémon? Never.

    The Pokémon Company International

    Your magic doesn't impress me, trickster.

    Mr. Mime is the only Pokémon with an honorific title. That is because Mr. Mime is a fucking person, and not a Pokémon.

    The Pokémon Company International

    And that should be obvious by looking at him and then looking at all other humans and then looking at Pokémon.

    Much like any other Homo sapien, Mr. Mime is a bipedal creature with two hands and two opposable thumbs. He has hair only on the top of his head. He cooks food. He wears clothes. He wears gloves. He wears shoes.

    The Pokémon Company International

    He wears. Fucking. Shoes.

    The Pokémon Company International / BuzzFeed / Jean-Luc Bouchard

    I know there are other Pokémon who wear shoes as well, but it's really just icing on the deceit-cake that is Mr. Mime's believability as a Pocket Monster.

    Mr. Mime is called Mr. Mime regardless of whether it is a male or female. That's because Mr. Mime isn't a Pokémon, but one singular man who is fooling us all.

    The Pokémon Company International

    Face of a liar.

    He's just a man, and he has been riding this free Pokémon gravy train for years, making us think he's a goddamn magical creature. Well, he's not.

    The Pokémon Company International

    #NoMoreFreeAsh'sMomHugs

    This horrible man needs to stop fuckin' around and go get a job, because we are DONE being fooled. This has to STOP.

    The Pokémon Company International

    You can hide your nose with enough makeup, OK?

    See this? This is Ivysaur. Ivysaur is a real Pokémon, and not just some man.

    The Pokémon Company International

    This is Porygon. Also a Pokémon, not a bitter and cornered man with nothing to lose and an apparently endless supply of face paint.

    The Pokémon Company International

    In comparison to these actual Pokémon, Mr. Mime is quite obviously a man in a costume who repeats the words "Mr. Mime" over and over again because he has nothing else.

    The Pokémon Company International

    So please stop calling Mr. Mime a Pokémon, or trying to capture or battle him. I'm pretty sure it's just enabling him to keep up this lie. Let's all just pretend he isn't real and maybe, just maybe, he'll go away.

    The Pokémon Company International

    Please.

    Fucking poser.

    The Pokémon Company International

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