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21 Assumptions Magazines Make About Women

The sun setting in your fifth house means your body is a pear so you should avoid crop tops today.

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1. We are all walking around wondering what to wear to a festival.

2. We are omg-so-cute-dying baby crazy all the time.

3. We have fruit-shaped torsos.

4. We have time to draw tiny mustaches and little rainbows on our fingernails.

5. We are as obsessed with the editors as they are with themselves, and want to know their favorite everything in list form.

6. We need photographic proof of celebrities holding produce to prove they are, in fact, just like us.

7. We are swimming in Mason jars and don't know what to do with all of them.

8. We love rating celebrities in bikinis. All day.

9. We care what make-up celebrities wear, and can definitely afford it.

10. We believe the sun is setting on our fifth house and that means we should wear heels today.

11. We have time to paint armoires by hand.

12. We want to dress like 16-year-old hippies without a cause.

13. We are obsessed with Kim Kardashian and think of her as an inspiring role model.

14. We have $1,990 to spend on a "total splurge" clutch.

15. We have $650 to spend on an "ultimate-must-have" top.

16. We love dressing like out-of-work dominatrices.

17. We are able to follow 18-step eyeliner tutorials without looking like a drunk clown.

18. We rely on quizzes to determine the fate of our relationships.

19. We have no idea what we're doing in bed, and therefore, need all the diagrams and tips we can get.

20. We are always down to make fun of a tutu-wearing woman, even if she's a cancer survivor.

Via DEREK BURKE/COURTESTY GLAM RUNNERS

21. We wear crop tops.

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