1.
Someone else: "Let's set up a phone appointment at 1:30." My brain: "Don't do anything before 1:30, got it." Why.
2.
Me: fully knows that gf bread means gluten free bread My smooth brain: girlfriend bread :)
3.
do u ever convince urself that ur teeth are wobbly
4.
me smiling at people under my mask thinking that they can see it
5.
therapy: expensive sitting in your car for a prolonged period of time once you finally arrive home from doing something socially or physically draining even though you’d get true rest quicker if you just got up and walked inside: free
6.
10 year old me preparing to tell my mom at 9pm I need glue and construction paper for my project due tomorrow. https://t.co/NkKRDCoKfS
7.
Girls shoot their shot by including you in their fake scenarios in their head before bed
8.
Me looking up an entire cast to a series/movie I just finished 45 seconds ago. https://t.co/p6nyxsplvA
9.
Me peeing in the middle of the night with the lights off so I don’t “lose the sleep”
10.
Every t-shirt I’ve bought eventually becomes a pyjama top.
11.
I suck at cuddling, 5 mins in and my dumb ass about to die for tryna copy how you breathe.
12.
I shoot my shot by posting a story so you can shoot your shot... stupid
13.
If you don’t click these bad boys a couple times before you use them, I can’t trust you!!
14.
*joins a gc* me: hiiii *mutes forever*
15.
All it takes is two glasses of wine for me to start replying to peoples stories as if they were personally sent to me
16.
you're legally required to say "OH big stretch" when a cat or dog stretches, regardless of the actual size of the stretch
17.
do u cry on ur birthday every year or r u normal
18.
My Close Friends list is for only my most enduring friendships and also ten people I've never spoken to but I think have "good energy"
19.
Me looking at the imaginary camera every time some crazy shit happens IRL😭😭
20.
i miss that awkward 30 seconds after leaving the movie theater with someone else where both of u have to announce whether u liked the movie or not but nobody wants to give their opinion first in case they’re wrong
21.
what’s *my* kink?? well, it’s adding a bunch of shit to my online cart and then slowly convincing myself out of every purchase until there’s nothing to buy and then i am sad again.
22.
Me 5 secs after buying someone a gift lol
23.
does anyone else carefully choose the last bite of food you eat at the end of a meal so that ur mouth can “remember” it
24.
Do u ever mention someone in ur prayers then u feel bad for not mentioning other people then suddenly ur including the whole population