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    Hi! We're Literally Every Couple On A Real Estate Show

    "We really need some space for entertaining!"

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    Hi! I’m Dave! And I’m Shannon! We’re an artisanal candlemaker and a kindergarten teacher respectively, and we have a budget of $1 million. We just got engaged and are currently living with Shannon’s mother-in-law, but it’s feeling a bit crowded and we’re ready to take the plunge! We’re excited to meet the realtor in a cute coffee shop and outline our super easy and highly achievable wishlist! We’re looking for something away from the hustle and bustle while still close to public transport and all the local amenities. We’d like the property to be completely modern with lots of old classic features, be big and sprawling but also have an intimate, cosy feel, and ideally it’ll have beautiful views of nature right outside of our window while being nowhere near any countryside. We hope this helps narrow things down a little bit!

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    The first place seems to tick a lot of boxes, but while we know we asked for a bathtub, this bathtub is too bathtubby, y’know? It’ll need some updating. Although in the living room there’s a beautiful period fireplace that we can’t wait to rip the hell out! And also some lovely exposed brickwork that will look even better once it’s wallpapered over. We’ll refer to the spare room as a potential man-cave for Dave, or a space for all of Shannon’s shoes! The realtor will look at us knowingly and say “maybe even…a nursery” and we’ll laugh. Oh, what fun we have. We want other people in our home a lot, so we need space for entertaining – like really, a lot of space. We’re definitely giving the impression that at any time upwards of 30 people will be hanging out in our kitchen despite the fact that 98% of the time it’ll just be the two of us at home.

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    There are some huge, immovable problems though; we only want granite countertops and unfortunately, as we all know, there’s literally no way to ever, ever change kitchen countertops! Science hasn’t advanced that far yet! Plus the garden has grass and we were looking for patio, another permanent fixture that no mere mortal could ever do anything about. We’ll also make a point of saying that we’d like a garden where we can sit outside and knock back a few drinks, as opposed to those famous home gardens that you can never ever sit in! Plus there’s little space in the living area for the gigantic dining table we’ll need for all that entertaining we’ll do – i.e., twice a year when one of our friends comes to visit!

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    Thankfully the second house is much more our thing – the perfect location, space for entertaining, a huge closet (but where will DAVE keep HIS clothes, hahahahaha), and those sweet, sweet granite kitchen countertops. We’ll definitely take this one, and despite it being $600,000 over our budget we’ve magically found the means to buy it! “But what about the pre-approved mortgage limit?” Well, we say SCREW the pre-approved mortgage limit! We’re putting in an offer immediately!

    Fast-forward a couple of weeks and our cute coffee-shop chat with the realtor is much more sombre than last time. It’s with a very heavy heart that we have to reveal that we are withdrawing our offer. Don’t get us wrong, it was lovely: the location, the layout, the kitchen...but the bedroom was painted blue and we don’t like blue. Oh well, better luck next time!

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