1. Call them "bitch" as a term of endearment.
2. Send your very worst selfies that make you look like a thumb.
3. Text them about people you're in the same room with.
*Sends text to friend that's in same room* Text: somebody in this hoe stank💀 *Friend out loud: "You not lyin, I s… https://t.co/78X8zAQbj5
4. Give them an exhaustive list of your medical issues and get them to diagnose you.
5. Go into explicit, SPECIFIC details about your sex life.
6. And give excruciating details about your bowel movements.
7. Lift up your trouser leg to show how long it's been since you've shaved, and invite them to touch your prickly legs.
8. Go to their house and just nap.
9. Ask them to like your Instagram picture that's got no likes, to "get the ball rolling."
When nobody likes your selfie
10. And ask them to stand in front of you in public so you can pull a wedgie out discreetly.
11. Remove your bra at their house so you can be properly comfortable.
12. Say "we should hang out!" and then when you meet up, sit with them in silence.
13. Strike up conversations about things anyone else would find incredibly mundane.
14. Start talking in an accent for no reason.
15. Ask them to sniff you to check if you smell.
16. Hang out at each other's homes when one of you isn't there.
Sometimes I go to allies house when she's not there to hang out with her animals :-)
17. Cry over things so small and insignificant that you'd be embarrassed if anyone else found out.
18. Air all of your existential thoughts and philosophical musings, even if they were actually stupid.
Friendship: because I've said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks
19. And basically read their mind.
