15 things teen movies completely prepared me for...
1. Being pushed into a locker while someone says “move it dork!”
2. The possibility of someone sending a school-wide text of me doing something embarrassing
3. Pissing off the head cheerleader.
4. Someone dating me for a prolonged period of time as part of a cruel bet.
5. Having to rework and customise a prom dress to make it beautiful.
6. How to do incredibly well rehearsed dances at these events.
7. What to do if you’re robbed of your chance of being homecoming king or queen.
8. Someone taking my glasses off and showing me how to do my hair, and thus completely transforming my social status.
9. The chance of someone serenading me.
10. Befriending a jock because I, a nerd, must tutor them to help them pass maths in exchange for them helping me be cool.
11. How to humiliate a rival – by spilling something on them.
12. How to navigate an incredibly complex clique system.
13. That when someone says a party is a fancy dress, they are probably lying to make you look foolish.
14. How to slowly and dramatically walk down some stairs while my date looks at me in awe.
15. And how to look nonchalant while chatting on the landline while twirling the phone cord and kicking my feet.
...and 15 things they didn't prepare me for, but 100% should have.
1. What to do if you’re on your period and leak on the seat.
2. How to style out a very embarrassing haircut that looks more mullet-y than intended.
3. The possibility that when you say “this isn’t a PHASE mum it’s WHO I AM” it is in fact a phase.
4. How to go to all these high school ragers when you are not allowed out later than 8pm.
5. The realisation that the “I’m on my period” excuse to get out of P.E. will only work a finite amount of times so must be used sparingly.
6. What to do when you mispronounce a word while reading aloud and everyone laughs
7. How to deal with the embarrassment of falling asleep in class.
8. And when you very confidently shout out a wrong answer.
9. How to put your hand up to answer without either practically elevating yourself off the seat with desperation or limply raising it in what looks like an attempted high-five.
10. The fact that during puberty your hair will become inexplicably the greasiest it’s ever been.
11. Finding a comfortable bra rather than an XX Push Up Boobanator 3000 which you probably don’t need aged 15.
12. How to subtly smuggle a pad or tampon to the toilets without a teacher asking “why are you taking your bag?” when you go to the bathroom.
13. How to convincingly lie about having a boyfriend who goes to a different school instead of going “ummm….he is called…..Jason….Jason…….table??”
14. How to unashamedly keep liking stuff from when you were younger without feeling embarrassed that its not cool. You’re still allowed to like Disney movies when you’re 14!
15. And finally, how to come up with an email address that you won’t be forced to live down for the rest of your life.