1. The backs of our knees not being radiant enough.
2. The size of our pinky-finger nails.
3. Whether the soles of our feet are curvy enough
4. The thickness of our upper ears.
5. Our nipple-to-areola ratios, complete with a made up “perfect ratio” to achieve.
6. Whether our nostril hair is suitably conditioned.
7. The depth of our belly buttons.
8. The complexion of our spleens.
9. Whether our earlobes need some toning.
10. Needing muscular little toes.
11. The brightness of our tonsils.
12. Eliminating those “hand wrinkles” on our palms.
13. The elasticity of our armpit skin.
14. Whether the shape of our knees need to be contoured.
15. Not exfoliating our knuckles.
16. The weight of our thumbs.
17. Whether our scalp is luminous enough – and how to fake it if not!
18. The roof of our mouths being exfoliated.
19. If our big toes are really big enough.
20. If our index fingers have a low-enough body fat percentage.
21. The youthfulness of our cuticles.
22. Colour correcting the skin in between your toes.
23. The glossiness of our sphincters.
24. Whether our clitorises are the correct circumference.
25. The suppleness of our butt holes.
26. The firmness of our labia minora.
27. Eliminating redness from the inside of our eyelids.
28. The curviness of our appendix.
29. Our spines being suitably moisturised.
30. The shapeliness of our red blood cells.
31. Whether our optic nerves have a youthful glow.
32. And finally, whether the walls of our cervix are appropriately decorated with the right prints.