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21 Reasons Mince Pies Need To Be Stopped Immediately

But where is the "meat" in the mincemeat though?

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1. Because their very name is misleading.

When you hear "mince" you can't help but imagine a lovely pie filled with lamb or beef. Sumptuous, hearty, and most importantly, savoury.
Elenathewise / Getty Images

When you hear "mince" you can't help but imagine a lovely pie filled with lamb or beef. Sumptuous, hearty, and most importantly, savoury.

2. So your first experience of an actual mince pie was probably laden with disappointment.

"WHAT IN FRESH HELL IS THIS?" you said, before trying to discreetly spit it back out into a napkin when nobody was looking.
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"WHAT IN FRESH HELL IS THIS?" you said, before trying to discreetly spit it back out into a napkin when nobody was looking.

3. And the fruity filling is still referred to as "mincemeat", which makes no sense at all.

Ever gone down the meat aisle in Tesco and seen this? Exactly.
Sarahdoow / Getty Images

Ever gone down the meat aisle in Tesco and seen this? Exactly.

4. The only meaty thing about them is that they sometimes contain suet, a fat found around the kidneys and loins of beef and mutton.

These worms of fat are the things nightmares are made of.
Flickr: Francis Storr / Via creativecommons.org

These worms of fat are the things nightmares are made of.

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5. They have raisins in them, the shrivelled, unwanted outcast of the fruit world.

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😷

6. The filling is just a dark, depraved, fruity free-for-all. Just look at it.

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7. So you don't really know what to expect when you bite into them.

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A squidgy raisin? A slimy chunk of apple? There are no good options.

8. Mince pies hog the Christmas dessert limelight, meaning more noble, deserving desserts get neglected.

Here's looking at you, yule log.
-lvinst- / Getty Images

Here's looking at you, yule log.

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9. Every year you will think "This year, this will be the year mince pies make sense to me. In the same way my palette adjusted to coffee, it will adjust to mince pies."

me: maybe i'll like mince pies now me, after eating one: did satan just shit in my mouth?

And every year you're left bitterly disappointed.

10. Only the pastry is decent, but in social situations you can't just leave a mincy blob on the plate.

Every year I become better at hiding the fact that I only eat the pastry of a mince pie never the filling

11. But then puff pastry mince pies exist, which are even worse than normal ones.

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Flaky pastry, air, and raisins. Mmm.

12. And such is the popularity of mince pies, they'll probably be the only snack on offer at any occasion until January.

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13. This mince pie looks like it's vomiting. It knows it's gross.

Tesco Iced Top Mince Pies - my left molar hurts 6/10

14. Why must we pretend that orange peel, the only bit of an orange that nobody eats, is a worthwhile addition to a pie?

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15. And sometimes you bite into a hard bit of rind and it's the worst.

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16. It's started to infiltrate other foods too.

So now mince pie flavour ice cream is a thing. No. Just no.

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17. Mince pies just don't know their place, which is in the bin.

This is a new addition to the strange flavours of popcorn I've discovered , mince pie flavour. #strangefoodstuffs

18. And definitely not inside cookies.

Tesco have mince pie cookies, I'm scared to taste them! #Tesco #dublin #Ireland #mince #pie #christmas15

19. Frankly, it's obscene.

Tesco unleashes Mince Pie flavoured crisps on the nation

20. Don't be fooled by the fact that they're covered in so much icing sugar.

Ewapix / Getty Images

21. It's all an act to disguise the darkness within.

"I will disembowel you and destroy everything you love" – this mince pie, probably.
Digital Vision. / Getty Images

"I will disembowel you and destroy everything you love" – this mince pie, probably.