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18 Times Women On Twitter Were So Damn Hilarious About Dating

"Sat next to a guy on the subway who didn't manspread at all and just quietly read his book. Best date ever."

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Trying to flirt? I can help. I know all the best compliments. Like this one: "you have very healthy pink gums" That one is yours free.



I don't use social media or apps to date because I'm in my 30s and I prefer meeting men the old fashioned way: never.


honestly the assumption that you have to go on a date to have a handbag stuffed with breadsticks is very toxic & exlusionary to me


First date Him: What do you do? Me [pulls out a Victoria's Secret catalog that I've clearly glued photos of my face into] "I'm a model."



sat next to a guy on the subway who didn't manspread at all & just quietly read his book. best date ever


DATING PROFILE: i want someone with the grim conviction of a detective solving the murder at the end of the episode but goofy too, ya know?


[first date] I just love that you are a normal, cool girl. *subtly slides macaroni art of your face back under my chair* -Yeah, totally.


when u start dating someone the impulse is 2 show them ur best self. dont. turn up 2 that 1st date on fire. if u cant handle me on fire etc.


In relationships, I'm an old-fashioned kind of girl. When I'm having sex on the first date, I only do it by candlelight.


Dating Tip: stare at your phone willing them to text you until your resentment grows to such a point that you never want to see them again!


[first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.


5 Ways To Tell If You're Dating a Real Man 1 Is he strong 2 Is he soft 3 Is he agile 4 Does he leave hair on your bed 5 You're dating a cat


sometimes I just say really boring things to the guy im dating to make sure we are still on speaking terms after a couple minutes of silence


Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them


DATING TIP: If you fill up a backpack with hot bread and wear it to bed it feels like spooning


DATE: um, hi nice to meet y- ME: *muffled by my jousting helmet* you are a small and weak man