1. This seriously awkward situation:
Just went to Tesco and asked if they had any plasters and the woman thought I said pasta and now I’m stood staring at penne because I was too scared to say no
2. This journey from hell:
IM LISTENING TO MUSIC WITH HEADPHONES IN MY UBER AND I BURPED REALLY LOUD BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE COULDNT HEAR IT BECAUSE THE MUSIC IS SO LOUD BUT THE MUSIC IS ONLY IN MY EARS SO HE HEARD THE ENTIRE BURP I WANT TO EVAPORATE
3. This misunderstanding:
A canny believe a was talking to a boy last night n he asked what ma favourite festival was but a thought he said vegetable and a replied broccoli :))))
4. This debit card confusion:
So yesterday I got my replacement debit card. I cut up my old one and threw it away for safety. Today i went to get a coffee and she said my card was declined. I looked at the card thinking no fucking way, and yes people I cut my brand new debit card the second i fucking got it
5. This phone fail:
can’t wait to tell my boss that the reason i’m late for work today is because last night instead of turning on my 6:00 alarm i typed 6.00 into my calculator and went to sleep
6. This drama that was all for nothing:
Literally just panicked that I left my headphones on the train. Rifled through my bag; looked in the trash; stared longlily at the train as it left me on the platform. They are on my head and I am listening to a podcast
7. This self-own:
I once rejected my own short story from a magazine I was guest editing. The magazine had a blind submission policy, and I didn't recognize the story as my own and forgot I'd submitted it months before I was asked to guest edit the issue
8. This worst nightmare for any book lover:
I went into a bookshop earlier carrying a book. I seem to have put my book down to browse other books and left with no books. Have called the bookshop but they're struggling to find my lost book amongst all the books. This is the stupidest thing I have ever done
9. This friendly high-five:
Howling when I done my driving lessons I finished a manoeuvre and my driving instructor put his hand up to say thanks to the car behind and I high fived him thinking he was saying I done well 😩😩😩😩😩
10. And this fist bump:
Tonight at dinner our waiter went to give me my change back by reaching his fist out and I fist bumped him... he said “uhh yeah here’s that 50 cents” and I’m still thinking about it
11. This misunderstood message:
My friend wanted to order water and the delivery guy was asking for her address, “add pls”. She thought it meant add the WORD “please”. I’m crying 😂😂 https://t.co/UY7zgQQ5Lw
12. This unexpected reaction to a joke:
My girl just FaceTimed me while I was in the car with my mom & she said “Who’re you in the car with?” I said “My girl” & my mom played along with it and my girl was getting mad then she was like “Whoever that bitch is, ask her how my pussy taste”... My life is over.
13. This reason to check who you're messaging:
At this moment I knew I fucked up 😶
14. This cringeworthy interaction:
dude at pacsun asked for my number while i was cashing out and i was like oh sorry i'm not really interested hahah and this man looks at me and goes "i meant for the rewards program..." why am i the dumbest human being alive
15. This fable of why internet jokes rarely work IRL:
Last night I was out on a first date, which was a double date with his friends, and I quoted the viral meme “I’m at the age where a 22 yo guy is looking kind of good, but so is his dad”. The whole table gave me blank stares and it looks like I’ll be single for another summer.
16. This very earnest response:
Today will henceforth be remembered as the day when the very nice IT person who was fixing my computer offered me a Pringle, & I took him to be using a technical IT term that I hadn't previously encountered, causing me to ask him anxiously if he thought I needed one. Good times.
17. This failing of a test:
My manager pulls me aside ln and tells me to quietly make a reservation for Tom Brady at 8:30........ I single-handedly tell the entire staff as well as my entire Snapchat contact list. Turns out it was a joke to see who would tell the most people. I’m so fired. There were crowds
18. And this force of habit:
at Dick’s, it is a habit of mine to ask customers if they want their items in a bag after they check out. today, a woman came up to the register with 2 kayaks to buy. after ringing them up, i looked her dead in the eye and said “would you like these in a bag?”