We're Over Halfway Through 2023, So Here's 75 Of The Funniest British Tweets Of The Year So Far
The greatest hits.
1.
lmao pic.twitter.com/2sALbsBKqi
— peter willis (@deadtreesanddye) June 27, 2023
3.
me, 31, chatting to my colleagues in their 20s pic.twitter.com/5b9tJbxBm5
— lucy ford 🍊 (@lucyj_ford) April 23, 2023
4.
My sister sent me this photo of a menu she saw on holiday and I'm crying. pic.twitter.com/piPtJSFtIY
— Suicidal Dracula (@500cigarettes) May 13, 2023
5.
https://t.co/YyCE2d0oK8 pic.twitter.com/hwUV2QEpHU
— shar (@sharloola) July 3, 2023
6.
Orange customers in the 00s https://t.co/Tbkds2jfcm
— Eugene (@eugeneh84) May 18, 2023
7.
"[x] has an opportunity to do the funniest thing possible" oh they have an opportunity to be del boy in the episode where he falls through the bar? i thought not
— puds (@havingalaugh) June 30, 2023
8.
Oh you want to “travel more” this year? Your typical Sunday is “roast then pub”? First round is on you if I “show up”? Somebody put me out of my misery
— Lou Rogers (@louisagrogers) June 18, 2023
9.
WITHOUT GOOGLING name a famous historic battle https://t.co/UvxVA9xhiG pic.twitter.com/6xVYCLjqBi
— 𝑆𝐼𝐴𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝑌𝑀𝐸𝑆 🥂 (@SianThymes) June 16, 2023
10.
Ryan Gosling (the Barbie movie) pic.twitter.com/gqfJfK5Ulg
— SHANE REACTION (@imshanereaction) July 3, 2023
11.
Imagine coming across that in someone’s bio omfg pic.twitter.com/lCe0gsRxlj
— jack rem x (@jackremmington) May 4, 2023
12.
BREAKING: Sheridan Smith is set to star in an itv drama based on the 3pm government emergency alert. she will be playing the alert. pic.twitter.com/BIAvQPqctY
— 𝑆𝐼𝐴𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝑌𝑀𝐸𝑆 🥂 (@SianThymes) April 23, 2023
13.
what is this Jane Austen headline pic.twitter.com/bR4jGNWiIy
— Jack Bernhardt (@jackbern23) April 12, 2023
14.
waiting to get on a bus in leith, guy in front is taking ages trying to pay with his apple watch and someone else in the queue shouts ‘hurry the fuck up inspector gadget’ https://t.co/VEUeUSngXF
— Dayna McAlpine (@daynamcalpine_) April 9, 2023
15.
My boyfriend has been using this river island carrier bag since 2013, a true icon of sustainability pic.twitter.com/6YtQe87jtL
— Helen Crane (@helenlcrane) July 4, 2023
16.
this first pic has felt so familiar all day it’s been driving me mad but i’ve just realised it’s because she looks like the Co-Operative Bank pyramid in Stockport pic.twitter.com/ln8r2ZTcae
— Matt Blakemore (@MattBlakemore) June 14, 2023
17.
I occasionally wonder if The Killers, a band from a sun scorched desert 5000 miles away, truly understands why Mr Brightside is still the last song played in 80% of rain soaked provincial UK nightclubs 18 years later
— Helen Gradwell (@HelenGradwell) June 9, 2023
18.
well, my 16-year-old self put the guys from BBC Merlin on my first debit card and that’s a fact that will haunt me forever https://t.co/VoR3YsCmD1 pic.twitter.com/mh68AyKiDk
— cass | add VESUVIUS on GR!🌋 (@cassbeewrites) May 20, 2023
19.
https://t.co/019kiaUlho pic.twitter.com/KEFE5aW0bj
— Jonny (@jonnyle3) May 15, 2023
20.
calling the coronation of a 74 year old man a once in a lifetime thing is crazyyy… like speak for yourself! i’m young and sexy, i am going to outlive both him and his very bald son. i have three coronations in me, you all stay safe tho
— bk (@uncooljerk) May 6, 2023
21.
I just accidentally uploaded this instead of my invoice on a company's invoicing portal and I can't delete it pic.twitter.com/Bxg8RRy4ha
— Amelia Tait (@ameliargh) May 5, 2023
22.
I have a theory that Dave Grohl and Laurence Lewellyn-Bowen are twins separated at birth for a nature vs nurture experiment pic.twitter.com/gOKkxlJxCp
— Emma (@plowrong) May 3, 2023
23.
can i say the same https://t.co/fJZI9vteev
— Jessie Goetzinger (@southernsgothic) May 2, 2023
25.
“say goodnight to ya nan, she’s off to bed” pic.twitter.com/KbcbvJhfFE
— Bally Singh (@putasinghonit) April 14, 2023
26.
you win this time Jamie Oliver pic.twitter.com/5UK2QK9Q4p
— caldon (@roland_slice) April 13, 2023
27.
Is it just me or does Rod Stewart look like both Jenny and Lee from Gogglebox in this picture? pic.twitter.com/VYNEngKQ7i
— WayneDavid (@WayneDavid81) April 6, 2023
28.
I refuse to suffer alone https://t.co/c3gOmXJO8j pic.twitter.com/rTwPU9z7U5
— Lil Ouzy Vert (@SAMIAFIASCO) April 6, 2023
29.
They're going to sell 4 large cokes and a popcorn https://t.co/RVJuNbabUT
— Neil (@NeilNotGonnaLie) April 3, 2023
30.
https://t.co/7BT7nCnybR pic.twitter.com/05muWGxNtB
— alice⁷ on the street ☭ 💜 ARSD 📌 (@mikrogalaxies) March 23, 2023
31.
The time I stayed up for 24 hrs building a cardboard Greggs. https://t.co/cQboHEb4KF pic.twitter.com/JoPkD0B6Xq
— Adam Larter (almost 1,000,000 followers!) (@lartymcparty) March 10, 2023
32.
UK supermarkets with clocktowers https://t.co/eE9JENFblx pic.twitter.com/k8nViH1meI
— C. (@cstsher) June 28, 2023
33.
Wow, Kevin Costner really stocks a fridge before he leaves you https://t.co/yxnIm2zvpZ
— have a lovely bowl of ennuitabix (@bethwritesstuff) July 4, 2023
34.
This is the single most pathetic moment of my entire life pic.twitter.com/5WHWs7LUgj
— Paul Anthony Jones (@paulanthjones) January 13, 2023
35.
me: today i’m going to be quiet and mysterious
— flamin nora (@katierpacker) January 15, 2023
me 5 seconds later: pic.twitter.com/6yTGxuUTUp
36.
Shakira’s jam watching Piqué’s mistress reach for the jar pic.twitter.com/vhi0l99wTf
— Sam Ramsden (@samjstirling) January 23, 2023
37.
Rinsing the Weetabix bowl immediately after consumption is so vital if you want peace in your life.
— madame économiste (@FeliciaOdamtten) February 6, 2023
38.
So I saw this wee clown fella down the sewer. I say wee but truth be told he was about 6 foot 3, or was it 6 foot 4? Can't be sure because there was a balloon in the way. But anyway he was around 6 foot 4, let's say 6 foot 3 and a half to be safe, and he had this big grin on https://t.co/NBkxKJmud7 pic.twitter.com/xbV1I2Hopd
— Cassie (@Cassiesmyth) February 24, 2023
39.
The GP receptionist when I’m trying to get an appointment pic.twitter.com/EIhWg171x6
— chris🧼 (@bleachy_chris) January 30, 2023
40.
Simon Amstell’s mum: https://t.co/baG5a6fudA
— Gilles (@gillesofftheweb) January 28, 2023
42.
My favourite part of going to the cinema is firing up the reviews on the way home and having a little man who writes for the guardian explain to me that the film I just enjoyed is shit actually and I was just too stupid to realise it
— cate in the kitchen x (@catekitchen) January 29, 2023
43.
https://t.co/fQi4vZfBqB pic.twitter.com/LHDH877WiG
— Liam (@LiamLambrini) January 23, 2023
44.
Supermarket fish is so fucking expensive I’m going to the River Thames in the morning with a rod, a net and a dream
— Jason Okundaye (@jasebyjason) January 8, 2023
45.
After four years, lots of sacrifice and saving, this weekend I finally moved into a flat I still don't own with a different landlord to pay pic.twitter.com/R8HkmdItQn
— Alexander Brown (@AlexofBrown) July 3, 2023
46.
sorry but how disgusting were the cramp twins… uncouth, classless, rotten… something about that purple one just made me feel absolutely sick
— toni collette’s instagram account stan account (@HarryPhillips15) January 8, 2023
47.
Sorry for eavesdropping but there are two French guys chatting nearby; one of them said 'I have two brothers' and went on to family pets, and it's raised my hopes that maybe real French people do speak exclusively in the phrases you learn at GCSE level.
— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) February 20, 2023
48.
Yesterday in Amsterdam I totally got Brit shamed... 🇬🇧😂 pic.twitter.com/GG2xUmTtvR
— Rich J (@richyj1504) February 23, 2023
49.
The British Problems subreddit is usually absolutely dire but this one is utterly pitch perfect and I’ve never felt more sorry for someone. pic.twitter.com/Mi7FTudtNF
— Jack Tindale (@JackTindale) February 22, 2023
50.
They should warn childless people about half term like they let us know about rail strikes
— Laura Lexx (@lauralexx) February 16, 2023
51.
I used to get an anonymous Valentine’s card every year until my Nanna died. Can only assume that the fickle admirer only wanted to go out with someone who had two nannas
— Rick Burin (@rickburin) February 14, 2023
52.
And this is how I lose everything https://t.co/VQept8lC7s
— R Y L A N (@Rylan) June 23, 2023
53.
serving Shaun the Sheep realness https://t.co/XW83AUKnee
— natty kasambala (@nattykasambala) February 8, 2023
55.
This is the current JD logo in Wood Green https://t.co/qtcHkYwQew pic.twitter.com/t1Tul0CVDX
— KING SP (@Sp17_Music) March 21, 2023
56.
I made my Nicki Minaj perfume bottles interact with each other behind social distancing screens https://t.co/l9kpePALiu pic.twitter.com/GSmTFbozjQ
— jacques (@flamencolambada) March 16, 2023
57.
Me too, woollen jumper, me too. pic.twitter.com/eYAFxtdMhf
— Alexander Fox (@AlexanderFoxEtc) March 15, 2023
58.
Ok I'll be the one to say it. The outside rungs of the clothes airer are reserved for the very best. The washing basket A-listers. pic.twitter.com/1kAHwcCUPR
— Ross Sayers (@Sayers33) March 7, 2023
59.
Screaming at Molly Mae putting her Chanel right next to her baby to make the pic look aesthetically pleasing pic.twitter.com/qufpD95sb7
— yas 🦋 (@lolzysz) March 10, 2023
60.
Accidentally turned down a gig on the 12th of July as I saw a dot in my calendar and thought I must be busy but it’s just Battle of the Boyne.
— Lou Taylor (@LouTaylorTrash) June 27, 2023
61.
do u think my manager will believe this is why I’m late to work pic.twitter.com/ezluLkujUJ
— fuck romford recorder (@_stonedroses) July 3, 2023
62.
my fridge right now is like the 2023 version of when celebrities open their fridge on MTV Cribs and it’s just full of champagne pic.twitter.com/fXvlCGtQJl
— Cardi BTEC (@amelia_perrin) June 29, 2023
63.
at a bibimbap place and a young guy next to me just said “I’ve actually forgotten how to use forks because I spent so long in Japan” to his date do I say something do I save her
— Stevie Martin (@5tevieM) June 8, 2023
64.
Exercise plans always say you should "consult a doctor" before starting them but I can only imagine the absolute dismantlement I would receive from the GP receptionist if I said I wanted to speak to a doctor about the 50 Day Squat Challenge app I just downloaded.
— Richard Cook (@cookywook) June 9, 2023
65.
Victoria train to Victoria coach station. https://t.co/bsNJHBPzTr
— db 🖤 (@dbcxptures) June 10, 2023
66.
last night this guy in London asked me for feet pics… he gagged me a bit 😭 pic.twitter.com/B7TfpNOoCZ
— jacques (@flamencolambada) June 2, 2023
67.
asos every bank holiday: pic.twitter.com/5fA7xhlyh2
— lauren quigley (@laurenlquigley) May 30, 2023
68.
oh my god there's a Crab Museum in margate and they have t shirts and they go SO HARD pic.twitter.com/KIziE7K2Ap
— Waldorf Sixpence (@WaldorfSixpence) May 29, 2023
69.
love the drama of calling NHS 111
— Sophie Gadd (@sophie_gadd) May 25, 2023
me: I feel bad :(
111: AND ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCESSIVELY BLEEDING FROM THE SKULL???
70.
Henry VIII discovering that his petition for annulment had been rejected https://t.co/EYhAvzj0jU
— Katherine Bayford 🍐 (@kebayf) June 29, 2023
71.
thinking about what we could’ve had pic.twitter.com/53UIoTgUM3
— Scott Chegg (@buckfastbadlad) May 6, 2023
72.
there are certain jobs where I just don’t understand why the staff have to wear formal wear, like why is the bloke helping you choose glasses in Specsavers basically in top hat and tails
— Liam (@LiamLambrini) July 5, 2023
73.
My most controversial but firmly-held music opinion is that Harry Styles is just Robbie Williams for people who like tote bags and tiktok.
— 🦀👻gem fandango🍊🦇 (@gingerwarriorxo) June 18, 2023
74.
for years i thought the UK speed camera sign depicted a Victorian bellows camera pointing to the right, but it’s just a boring CCTV camera pointing towards the viewer :/ pic.twitter.com/sCOVzyRPhW
— rory ･‿･ (@FeyeraBender) April 4, 2023
75.
the staff in tesco press the ‘customer is clearly over 25’ button a bit too confidently these days
— Ruby Naldrett (@rubynaldrett) March 5, 2023