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13 Things I've Heard At My Latino Family Gathering

For the last time tía, I'm working on myself and don't want a novio!

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1. "¿Ya saludaste?"


Translation: "Have you greeted everyone?"

Even age won't let you escape your mom reminding you to say "hello" and "goodbye" to every single relative in the room.

2. "¿Y el novio?"


Translation: "And the boyfriend?"

For the last time tía, I am focusing on myself and my career, I don't need a man!

3. "Mija sírvele un plato a tu hermano."


Translation: "Sweetie, fix your brother a plate."

Your traditional abuelita might side-eye you hard if you sit before fixing your male relatives a food plate.

4. "¡Salganse de la cocina!"


Translation: "Get out of the kitchen!"

No one's allowed in the kitchen while the tamales de chicharrón are being prepared. And don't bug your amá about when they're ready, 'cause you already know it will take the entire day. Happy Starving!

5. "Traime una cerveza, mijita."


Translation: "Bring me a beer, sweetie."

Your lovable but drunk uncle will kindly ask you for a beer from the fridge before delving into storytime where he aptly recalls his glory days before kids.

6. *Whispers*


Your metiche aunts will know all about what you did this past summer, thanks to their expert social media lurk skills.

7. "Siéntate a mi lado."


Translation: "Sit down next to me."

Everyone has that tía that acts like a second mom to you who will get caught up in her feels (and alcohol) then sits you down for a deeply moving conversation. *Cries in Spanish*

8. "Nos tomas una foto para el Facebuk?"

The CW

Translation: "Will you take a photo of us for the Facebook?"

You will be appointed the role of amateur photographer for your relative's Facebook flex game.

9. "Do you have games?"


The one little primo or prima that didn't receive their OWN damn iPhone this year will hit you with that "you got games?" Buzz off, kid.

10. "¡Shots!"


Your family is not playing with that off-brand shit they will whip out the añejo death-in-a-bottle imported straight from Mexico.

11. "¡Arriba, abajo, al centro, pa' dentro!"

TV Land

Translation: "Up, down, center, inside." (A Spanish toasting mantra)

A gleaming example of Español making everything sound prettier.

12. "¡Ay te va Chente!"


Vicente Fernandez is the songbird of ranchera music and for one reason or another, the perfect music to sing to while drunk. A few tequila shots in and it's an episode of The Voice.

13. "Vamos a bailar!"

Translation: "Let's dance!"

Once they start bumping "La Mesa Del Rincon" by Los Tigres Del Norte, it's game over. You're being physically dragged to the dancefloor by one of your primas.

Now, if you'll excuse me I gotta go pray the cruda away.


With a big ass bowl of menudo.

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