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14 Times Stephen King Was So Sassy It Hurt

The king of horror? More like the king of sass.

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1. On Taken 3:

I can't believe how many bad TAKEN jokes I've seen since yesterday. I was TAKEN ABACK.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

I can't believe how many bad TAKEN jokes I've seen since yesterday. I was TAKEN ABACK.

5:03 PM - 06 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

2. On politicians during blizzards:

I love it when politicians put on their "storm clothes," like they're going to fire up a plow and work all night on the turnpike.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

I love it when politicians put on their "storm clothes," like they're going to fire up a plow and work all night on the turnpike.

10:01 PM - 26 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

3. On the Superbowl:

Superbowl Sunday, followed in many cases by Hangover Monday.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

Superbowl Sunday, followed in many cases by Hangover Monday.

10:54 AM - 02 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

4. On bagpipes:

The difference between an onion and a bagpipe: nobody cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

The difference between an onion and a bagpipe: nobody cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

7:55 AM - 09 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

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5. On the 114th U.S. Congress:

AMERICA'S NEW CONGRESS looks like the same old shit to me.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

AMERICA'S NEW CONGRESS looks like the same old shit to me.

11:37 AM - 10 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

6. On spoiler alerts:

Another spoiler: Romeo and Juliet die in Act 5.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

Another spoiler: Romeo and Juliet die in Act 5.

10:30 PM - 13 Apr 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

7. On waffles:

You will take my waffle when you pry it from my cold, dead, syrup-caked hands. I stand my ground.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

You will take my waffle when you pry it from my cold, dead, syrup-caked hands. I stand my ground.

11:12 AM - 19 Jan 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

8. On the age of the world:

Fundamentalists claim the world is only 6000 years old. I have a pair of jeans older than that.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

Fundamentalists claim the world is only 6000 years old. I have a pair of jeans older than that.

11:56 AM - 22 Feb 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

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9. On television:

The year's most annoying TV promo: "This is the episode that will change everything!" Only it never fucking does.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

The year's most annoying TV promo: "This is the episode that will change everything!" Only it never fucking does.

11:22 AM - 24 Dec 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

10. On separation of church and state:

No, not a Constitutional scholar, just…watch this closely. Church…here. State…there. Separate. Would a picture help?

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

No, not a Constitutional scholar, just…watch this closely. Church…here. State…there. Separate. Would a picture help?

2:46 PM - 20 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

11. On naming snowstorms:

"Lisa, at four inches an hour, plus blowing and drifting, we have officially labeled Poop a real shitstorm."

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

"Lisa, at four inches an hour, plus blowing and drifting, we have officially labeled Poop a real shitstorm."

3:20 PM - 15 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

12. On Ted Cruz:

To me, Ted Cruz looks like a revival preacher on late night cable. I guess they like that in Texas.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

To me, Ted Cruz looks like a revival preacher on late night cable. I guess they like that in Texas.

9:25 PM - 08 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

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13. On voting in Maine:

Huge amounts of snow in Maine yesterday! Republican voters should probably stay home tomorrow, safe & dry! HAHAHAHAHA.

Stephen King@StephenKingFollow

Huge amounts of snow in Maine yesterday! Republican voters should probably stay home tomorrow, safe & dry! HAHAHAHAHA.

8:53 AM - 03 Nov 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

14. And on the honey badger: