1. You are very wary of accepting invitations to children’s birthday parties.
2. You have to be repeatedly assured, in no uncertain terms, that there will not be clowns at the party.
3. Even once you’re told clowns won’t be attending, you dread every second, assuming a clown will still show up.
4. When the inevitable happens, and a clown does show up, children and the elderly are considered suitable weapons to defend yourself.
5. When clowns make kids cry, you think, They get it.
6. You can’t fathom why any parent would intentionally expose their child to a clown.
7. In fact, you don’t understand why everyone seems to think this is a normal profession for grown adults to have.
8. You hate Halloween because there's always a dozen people dressed as clowns.
9. And seeing a lot of clowns casually walking around town is your greatest nightmare.
10. That’s a lie. Being the only normal person in a city populated only by clowns is your greatest nightmare.
11. You’re now devising ways to bomb Clown City.
12. John Wayne Gacy is all the proof you need that every clown has homicidal tendencies.
13. It doesn’t surprise you when a clown is arrested for murder.
14. You’re actually surprised more clowns aren’t arrested for murder.
15. A small part of you believes clown shoes are so big because they’re concealing weapons.
16. Or ether-soaked rags.
17. The only thing more terrifying than a clown’s smile is a clown’s laugh.
18. The only thing more terrifying than a clown’s laugh is a clown touching you.
19. If a clown touches you, every ounce of maturity and decorum flees your body as you shriek and run as fast as humanly possible in the other direction.
20. You could win an Olympic gold medal in sprinting if a clown was chasing you.
21. You’re now thinking about clowns chasing you.
22. And you’ll have nightmares for a month.
