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1. You Refer To Household Chores As "Cleaning Up A Murder Scene"
2. You're Paranoid Your Cellphone Needs To Be Burned
3. You Can't Go Anywhere Without Causing A Scene
4. You Wear White While Drinking Red Wine
But You Aren't As Good At It
5. When Your Friend Starts To Answer A Question, You Interrupt By Asking Again But Louder
6. You And Your Friends Betray Each Other And Then Immediately Work It Out
7. You Use An Overwrought Southern Accent When You Talk About God
8. You Always Look Like You're About To Cry
9. You Shout At People Before You Make Out With Them
And Afterward Too
10. This Is How You Return Your Mom's Call About Your Thanksgiving Plans:
Then You Hang Up And Call Her A Terrorist
11. You Hear Motown Everywhere You Go
12. You've Adopted Intense Breathing Habits
13. You've Dug Up Collateral On All Of Your Friends
14. You've Rigged An Election, Murdered Someone, Or Slept With The President
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