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59 Things Everyone Who Follows Scottish Politics Knows To Be True

There really is nothing funnier than a TV presenter trying to say "Na h-Eileanan Siar".

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1. You can't listen to "Golden Brown" by The Stranglers without thinking about Gordon Brown.

2. You know someone who knows someone who knows someone's dad who says he was involved in a cover-up of the secret oilfields.

3. Balustrade Lanyard is the world's most inspiring man.

4. You first heard the joke "there are more pandas in Scotland than Conservative MPs" in 2010.

5. The panda joke became unfunny roughly 30 seconds after you heard it.

6. People kept saying the panda joke and it gradually started to annoy you.

7. The panda joke faded away in about 2014.

8. Then it came back in 2015 after Labour lost all but one of its MPs and you decided to cut yourself off from civilisation until it goes away again.

9. A person with more than one "twibbon" on their profile picture is almost certainly a maniac.

10. You have fallen out with a member of your immediate family over politics.

11. When Mhairi Black became an MP at 20 it made you feel like you haven't achieved enough with your life.

12. The Scottish parliament looks bad from some angles.


13. The Scottish parliament looks even worse from other angles.

14. One of your mates was there when Nigel Farage was trapped in an Edinburgh pub.

15. Something UKIP MEP David Coburn has done or said has made you laugh and you immediately felt ashamed about it.

16. You've had to ask one of your English friends why UKIP seem to actually be popular there.

17. You've noticed that Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon call Britain "these islands" so they never have to say "Britain".

18. You know Patrick Harvie is a good guy but you probably don't vote for the Scottish Greens.

19. You've heard someone say Ruth Davidson is "cool for a Tory".

20. Brian Taylor, BBC Scotland's political editor, is the most controversial tweeter out there.

21. You now know someone who is related an SNP MP.

22. At least one person on your street has an enormous saltire up in their garden.

23. You miss the #IndyRef hashtag.

24. You can remember where you were when you first saw Alex Salmond playing football in a suit.

25. You can remember where you were when you first saw Alex Salmond feed a Solero to a woman.

26. You can remember where you were when you first saw Alex Salmond do this strut into parliament.

27. You've heard someone scream "QUISLING" in a pub.

28. The National's front pages are...unusual.

29. You've been blocked by George Galloway on Twitter.

30. Everyone you know has been blocked by George Galloway on Twitter.

31. One of your mates can do a spot-on George Galloway impression.

32. John Curtice is an omniscient god who has exactly the same hairstyle as every professor from a cartoon.

33. The true legacy of the referendum is that it's made Scottish people the most gifted photoshoppers on earth.

34. You can remember where you were when you heard the Clackmannanshire result on referendum night.

35. You still have strong feelings about The Vow.

36. The highlight of election nights is watching TV presenters attempting to pronounce Na h-Eileanan Siar.

37. You hope for the reappearance of The Highlander from Question Time every time you watch Question Time.

38. You sometimes wonder what happened to that 10-foot-wide poster of Nick Robinson that was taken to the anti-BBC protest last summer.

39. You've heard "Caledonia" by Dougie MacLean too many times.

40. Someone you know calls George Square in Glasgow "Freedom Square".


41. Scottish teenagers are more informed about politics than you are.

42. You know the EU referendum will be shit compared the independence referendum.

43. You've heard Tommy Sheridan screaming about politics on the streets of Glasgow when you just wanted to get to a shop.

44. You remember when Renfrewshire council mistakenly tweeted "Alistair shut yer pus!" during the Alistair Darling vs Alex Salmond TV debate.

45. You have to try very hard not to laugh when the oil research of Professor Ronald McDonald is cited on telly.

46. Someone you know calls Westminster "Westmonster".

47. You've never felt more upset by Scottish politics than the first time you had to pay 5p for a plastic bag.

48. You've never heard more creative swearing than when your drunk mate is talking about George Osborne.

49. You or someone you know has had a selfie with Nicola Sturgeon.

50. A house you've been to has an SNP foam finger in it.

51. There is a risk that you would call Jackie Bird "Mum" by mistake if you ever met her.

52. You know Danny Alexander was the original "Beaker", before it became an insult for Ed Miliband.

53. Someone has accused you of hating Scotland, even though you probably don't hate Scotland.

54. The Glaswegian pronunciation of "austerity" is really pleasing.

55. You are full of pride that the Scottish parliament debated whether or not the macaroni pie should be reinstated to the Greggs menu.

56. Your Facebook timeline is full of Wings Over Scotland links.

57. You have a favourite Ruth Davidson photo from her election campaign.

58. You've wondered how the unicorn ended up being Scotland's national animal.

59. Despite having barely recovered from the general election, you are genuinely looking forward to the Scottish elections next year.

Jamie Ross is a Scotland reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in Edinburgh.

Contact Jamie Ross at

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