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14 Times Drunk People Kinda Won, And 14 Times They Just Straight-Up Failed

Please don't book spontaneous holidays while drunk.

1. This responsible driver who at least made it home:

Was being responsible and didn’t drive home after happy hour last night. Came back to pick up my car and it’s in a fucking farmers market.

And this traveler who has a long journey home ahead of them:

what’s cooking twitter i bought non-refundable plane tickets while drunk so now i’m in tokyo for no reason with no…

2. These friends who have created a text messaging system for avoiding creeps on a night out:

There’s three hungover girls on the table next to me, dissecting last night. From what I can gather, they have a c…

And this friend who uses text messages to encourage her friend's drinking:

has anyone ever read something so beautiful and poetic

3. This guy who had a glamorous photo shoot with his McDonald's order:

My fatass was drunk last night and had a photo shoot with my McDonald’s hashbrown at 4AM

And this girl who doesn't even know what's happening in the background of her own photos:

1 time I got so drunk I was chillin taking selfies &didnt even notice there was a whole fight going on behind me ti…

4. This guy who had a great journey home:

Couldn’t get a taxi home last neet so I went in kebab shop and ordered a delivery to my address and got in with delivery driver, im a genius

And this dad who's probably still in the car:

my dad last night, completely shitfaced, was trying to get out of the backseat of my car and he gave up, put his head against the car door and said ‘alexa, please get me out of here’ WE DONT EVEN HAVE AN ALEXA IN THE FIRST PLACE

5. This drunk shopper who spent his money on a gift that brought joy:

Alicatscat / Via

And this person whose drunk purchase would have brought nothing but horror:

6. This genius who's just reinvented the way wine is drunk:

And this is why I believe I should be the next president of the United States of America.

And this person who will never be able to afford a glass of wine again:

Was just told a story by a friend about her work colleague who went on a first date, ordered a bottle of wine (and subsequently two more) and mis-read the price as £50.00 instead of the actual £5000, and now has a ten year direct debit to The Shard to pay off her huge wine debt.

7. This boyfriend who came home drunk and remained completely faithful:

So my BOYFRIEND comes home last night absolutely smashed, gets undressed and then just stands there in my room. So I'm like are you coming to bed? And he goes "no thank you, I'm sure you're lovely but I have a girlfriend" and goes to sleep on the floor 😭😭😭

And this boyfriend who just came home drunk:

iske / Via

8. This girlfriend who lovingly kept her boyfriend up to date on her drinking progress:

My girlfriend got drunk last night and the only thing she texted me for 4 hours was “I love you” while getting progressively more drunk 😂

And this boyfriend who couldn't even find his girlfriend:

9. This student who seemingly became a mastermind while drunk:

And this student who is probably heading in the opposite direction:

girl who hurt you before class started

10. This guy who avoided being sick in a taxi:

Had to stop taxi last night to spew and the driver got out to rub my back, not all heroes wear capes

And this guy who managed to get an emu into a taxi:

This is why you don't buy things when you're drunk,

11. This drunk woman who entertained London commuters:

There’s a woman on the tube screaming the lyrics to “all I want for christmas is you”, glass of wine in hand, whilst her friends around her beg her to stop and I’ve never wanted to be friends with someone more

And this passenger who pretty much did the opposite:

There is a drunk woman on the tube throwing After Eights at everyone and, in the most British way possible, everyon…

12. This guy whose new romance is off to a positive start:

And this girl who may have ruined her date before it even started:

My roommate went on a bumble date and was nervous so decided to pound shots in her car once she got to the place they were meeting and the guy was parked next to her and watched her chug vodka for 5 minutes. Dating is rough.

13. This guy who was busy making future business plans with new friends:

And this guy who was busy losing friends by destroying their kitchen:

TravisUKY / Via

14. This person who left a useful note for his future self:

Thought you guys might like this note my friend wrote to himself before going out last night 😂

And this drunk person who left unhelpful notes for others: