We Asked A Dream Analyst To Tell Us What Our Dreams Meant

Who decided it's okay for me to continuously dream that my teeth are falling out?

The past two years have felt like a twisted, Black Mirror-inspired, living nightmare. From our social lives to our careers, there remains nothing that hasn’t taken a turn for the worse…and our dreams are no exception.

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Gone are the days of recurring dreams involving a sexy somebody that has you tossing and turning all night long. RIP dreams of doing the mundane like groceries or washing the dishes. Enter the days of waking up in a literal puddle of your own sweat because you just dreamt some crazy, weird shit and are now wondering what it all meant. Luckily, dream analyst, Layne Dalfen, is here to help us unpack what our dreams actually mean. 

According to expert dream analyst, Layne Dalfen, “A dream is an interior conversation between your unconscious and your conscious mind. At the first level, this conversation is triggered by a waking situation that either happened to you, or that you thought about yesterday.”

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According to Dalfen, our dreams decode problems we’re dealing with in our conscious lives and present solutions for how to best respond to the people and situations we’re facing. In other words, the solution we’re often searching for arrives first in our unconscious. Dalfen explains that “if you understand how to analyze your dream, you will propel your problem solving, therefore identifying the solution faster." 

Dalfen’s method of analyzing dreams is two-fold: “Uncover what situation you were discussing with yourself when you had the dream. Once you make that link, you can look back into the dream and find the solution.”

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To help solve the puzzle, Dalfen suggests asking yourself questions following the 6 Points of Entry: 

Feelings = How did you feel in the dream? What situation in your current life is making you feel similarly?

Action = How are you moving in the dream? Does it reflect a recent event? Are you an observer or a participant? 

Plot = What’s really going on in this dream, and what’s similar in my life this week?

Symbols = What comes to mind when I think of that person, place, or thing? Is there a link to my recent experience?

Repetition = Look for elements in your dream that repeat in some way. Do you keep missing the train? The bus? Plane?

Puns and Play on Words = Say your dream aloud. You will be surprised to “hear” what you reveal!

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We asked Dalfen to analyze the dreams of four BuzzFeed staffers using the Points of Entry…

Dream: “It was my birthday 2 weeks ago, and leading up to it, I had a dream that Baby Spice showed up to my birthday party after seeing it on Twitter. I don't even think I @'d her or begged her to come. She just saw it and showed up! When she got to my party, I took her on a tour of all my Spice Girls memorabilia, and she really seemed impressed with me. Then there were just, like, general party scenes with a few of my friends, and she was really integrated into my friend group — drinking and eating cake and mingling, etc. What does it all mean!!” (Isabella Torchia, Senior Content Producer)

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Analysis: Your dream can be either reflecting something that actually happened to you, or something you need at this time because it isn’t happening. Since you say this dream happened leading up to your birthday, and because we humans may tend toward anticipating some attention drawn to us at those times, start by looking for how you were feeling around that time. For example, are you someone who hopes for and perhaps even anticipates being “in the spotlight” around your birthday? 

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We know you weren’t “trying to get noticed” by how Baby Spice just showed up without you tagging her or begging. Did someone’s recent attention surprise you? Have you connected with someone you look up to or to someone whose attention you want? Since in your dream you connect with Baby Spice by sharing things you have in common, this dream’s action could be your unconscious giving you a clue how you might more seriously engage with your surprise visitor.

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Let’s dip a little deeper to find a wider perspective. All the parts of the dream represent different aspects of the dreamer. In dreams, you are the producer, the director, the script writer, and all the players! We humans can be giving, selfish, sad, happy, weak, strong, assertive, shy, funny, serious, angry, and frustrated, or optimistic and energetic. 

In a dream you take the part you feel the most connected to at a particular time, and you assign or project all the other parts of yourself to others in the dream.

Say, for example, you have lately found yourself not feeling important or satisfied with the attention you’ve been getting from friends or family. In anticipation of this being in-your-face at birthday time, this dream, and your healthy unconscious, has created a scenario whereby Baby Spice, who we can refer to as a kind of “hero figure” shows up and “is really impressed." In doing so, your dream provided a star’s appearance at a time when you may need some inner strength and a positive sense of self.

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Dream: “I’m taking classes at my old high school (a surreal dream version of my high school; there’s a giant mall attached and a nostalgic food court from my memories) for the summer. I’m the age I am now, 32, but for some reason, even though I graduated years ago and now have a Masters, I have to fulfill certain requirements to make my high school diploma valid. Other people from my high school years are there, doing the same thing, only I’m failing these classes. I’m not turning in assignments and I’m screwing up. I feel ashamed. I feel frustrated beyond belief and resentful, and eventually, I say to myself, why am I even doing this? I don’t want to be here, I shouldn’t have to be here, and I quit, but the shame sticks, because everyone else I know was able to do it.” (Julia Lynn Rubin, Contributing Writer)

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Analysis: Reading your dream, I am struck by the feelings you describe. Shame in the face of failing, extreme frustration, coupled with some resentment, and to top it off more shame! We are seeing some repetition here for the sake of underlining that feeling, and this time it sticks because it’s by way of you comparing yourself to others.

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To help you name the specific situation you were discussing with yourself when you had the dream, often the feelings are the easiest Point of Entry. What happened this week that made you feel these emotions? Keep in mind, because our natural tendency is to hide our feelings in daylight hours, this under-reaction triggers an over-reaction in our dreams; hence we self-regulate. 

For example, if you are feeling sadness you are not expressing, don’t be surprised when you dream that someone you love dies. That’s your unconscious making certain it creates a scenario that will surely bring those tears you’ve been hiding up and out. For this reason, in your case, look for a current circumstance that’s got you feeling “a little” ashamed and frustrated. 

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Since you chose school as a symbol for the location in your dream, I feel compelled to ask if you are in some capacity learning lessons you are sure you already know. This kind of dream plot might happen to me, for example, if I am not sure how to respond to one of my daughters. Why? Having daughters that range from 49 all the way down to 29, I feel like I have earned my master’s in mothering, yet apparently, I am still learning!

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Is there a recent life experience that has you feeling ashamed and especially frustrated because you feel you should have known how to respond? Remember to include that dash of resentment. Is the resentment related to you having been put in this position in the first place?

Since the solution to a problem we’re facing this week appears in the dream before it makes its way to our conscious mind, your dream points me to the plot and action you created. While it’s true to say you didn’t leave your dream situation free of feelings, I am both impressed and struck by you deciding to leave saying, '…..why am I even doing this? I don’t want to be here, I shouldn’t have to be here, and I quit.'

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I wonder if perhaps your dream isn’t a story about shame, but instead, an opportunity to notice your ability to assess a situation, and respond with action that’s right for you, even at the risk of self-judgment on the way out.

Change lies in balancing the behaviors we learned in childhood along with new approaches we can exercise and adapt to fit the different situations we face in life. Perhaps your dream is calling you to appreciate your ability to choose what fits for you and leave self-judgment behind.

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Dream: “I used to have this recurring dream as a child called ~My Witch Dream~. Basically, I’d be sleeping in my bed in my house, and a large blackbird would land on my windowsill. I would follow it outside where a witch in a cage would descend from the sky to my deck. The crow would land on the cage, and then the witch would just stare at me. And say nothing. I would try to talk to her or ask her questions, but she just stood there until I woke up. It was definitely terrifying — the vibe was very much a child's nightmare/teen scary movie — the sky was like deep purple and filled with clouds, but I could still see perfectly (???) even though it was literally the middle of the night. And that was it! It occurred for a couple of years in my childhood and then randomly stopped!” (Courtney Cummings, Associate Freelance Editor)

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Analysis: Because we humans are self-regulating, it’s our dreams that help us create the balance in whatever is missing from our daylight experience. It’s kind of like when you have to go to the washroom, you can hold it in and hold it in, but at a certain point you have to go! Once you go, the balance has been created. Similarly, whatever feelings we are not expressing during the day will find their way into our dreams. 

As children, we don’t have the same power we do as adults, for example, who can up and leave a room when they’re not happy with what’s going on. Neither can you, as a kid, yell back at a teacher who is screaming at you for laughing with your friend. So whatever feelings we are piling up during the day need to find an outlet, and yours at the time, chose the witch. 

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The most obvious function of a nightmare then will be to hopefully encourage the dreamer to speak about it during the day. I am not meaning the dream requires an analysis, rather, just the simple act of talking about the fear you experienced in the dream frees the energy tied up in the conflict. 

Another way your sophisticated unconscious mind can step in to help create this balance is by way of rehearsal. Hence, the nightmares. Think of a nightmare as a gym, except in this case, instead of building a muscle, you’re exercising your ability to manage your fear and your powerlessness. If you have heard the expression, “Been there. Done that," what I am describing is exactly the same principle.

You scare the heck out of yourself at night with dreams like your “Witch Dream,” and whatever is making you feel intimidated, especially via a real ‘stare-down,’ now has you feeling a bit desensitized! Next time you feel that anxiety in waking life, it never has the same power over you because you were rehearsing the feeling in your dreams!

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Dream: “I was in a ravine standing in front of a long, narrow lake. My mom was on the other side, and I was furiously waving at her, but she couldn't see me. I was jumping up and down, trying to get her attention, and she finally noticed me and started smiling and waving back. We were trying to yell at each other, but neither of us could hear. Then I spent what seemed like hours frustratingly trying to get to her across the lake. I was scrambling on rocky terrain and trying to find a way around while she waited for me, but I couldn't find a way, so I gave up and just stood there. We just stared at each other, waving sadly.” (Morena Duwe, Associate Freelance Editor)

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Analysis: The plot of your dream is screaming at me! If this was my dream, the most obvious question I can ask myself is, “Where is it I am trying to get to in my life that is proving to be near impossible?” Please keep in mind as we are discussing the language of metaphor, “trying to get to…” can literally be trying to physically get somewhere, but it can also mean trying to get to a certain place or space in a relationship or trying to get to a certain place in my attitude or beliefs about something. How about my trying to simply “accomplish” something specific?

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Keeping the plot in mind, I am also struck by the action in your dream. It’s so much more than where you are trying to get to, but how hard you try! You are waving, jumping, yelling, and scrambling on rocky terrain.  What is very worth noticing is how, while you don’t get to where you want to in a physical kind of way, you do succeed in getting noticed!

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The not getting noticed part will serve you as a terrific point of entry by simply asking yourself in what recent circumstance did you feel unnoticed and unheard? Considering at the start, your mom couldn’t see or hear you, whatever the subject is, you seem to have made some headway.

Most importantly, at a certain point, you seem to give it up, accepting your situation. While only you know if continuing to attempt something that just seems too far out of reach makes sense or not, this dream ends with you giving it up. As you are no doubt aware, sometimes giving it up is the way to go, and while you describe you and your mom as “waving sadly," I sense some level of acceptance there. If that’s true, that’s a good thing. You did, after all, get your mom’s attention. At least now, you see each other.

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Finally, for the purpose of looking a little deeper into your dream, you can use symbols as a point of entry. Thinking about your mom, take a pen and write down what comes to mind when you think about her personality style. Since all the parts of the dream represent different aspects of the dreamer, perhaps it’s a trait your mom possesses you need to connect to in your daytime response. For example, if you are generally a procrastinator with a huge assignment due, and you describe your mom as a real go-getter, that would be a way to explain why you have her at the other side of the lake, and hard to get to.”

For more information, visit Layne’s website: http://www.thedreamanalyst.com

Check out Layne’s dream analyses on Oprah Daily: https://www.oprahdaily.com/search/?q=Layne+Dalfen+

Discover more about decoding dreams in Layne’s blog on Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/contributors/layne-dalfen?page=1

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