1. The brb shop keeper
2. How much for this many? The classic student.
3. The Irregular Regulars
'Oh please do tell me how often you come in here'
We all have those customers who come in yes a noticeable amount times, but mate trust me… you don't have to sing from the roof tops and tell the whole world about it… you have been in twice this month. Based on my calculations if you have to eat three times a day seven days a week to satisfy your slightly over-indulged figure you spend approximately .003% of your feeding time here. I don't give a heck, I've been working here for 5 years, 10 hours a day, so you can lay off the 'I've been paying your wages' and 'I should invest in shares at this place' attitude, sit down and stop acting like a bloody pelican.
4. The Whack-a-Moles
5. The Picky Masterchefs
6. The Neglectful Parents
7. The Instagrammer
8. The Regretful Regulars
Look I appreciate the regulars that come in, restaurants actually profit mostly from the return of customers and the expression of goodwill which is why we all work so hard to meet service and food requirements, but there is no need to be a jack-ass about it. Just because we know you by first name, you get a friendly discount on the bill, and can request your favourite sitting spot, doesn't mean you can then go and arrive 30 minutes late to your booking, not to mention past close time, just so we can pamper your every need.
And if we mess something up, accept it. Be lucky that the last 2,345 times you came here we got everything right. We put up with you every time, and if anything you should be understanding that we might just get it wrong. Accept the 99% success rate and get the out the door so we can close this place down. Yeah don't worry about tipping for all the extra stuff you get… I mean you practically pay our wages anyway. See you later… you simply aren't worth it some times.
9. End Rant
So now that I have spent the better part of my day complaining about people that don't really matter I hope you guys all think twice now when in the seat of the restaurant. Say hi, be nice, tip your waiters, enjoy your night, and don't be one of these guys. See you all tonight, at a restaurant near you!