1. When women entice men by sensually sticking fruit in their mouth, as if random bananas are always lying around.
2. Or when women instantly climax when their dinner date grabs them by the neck in a ~sensual~ way — like, eww.
3. When the lead woman always has red freakin' lace panties on, so when the other person sneaks into the bathroom for a quickie, it's sexy. NOTHING IS SEXY IN THE BATHROOM.
4. When movies never show people putting on condoms.
5. When movies never include the usage of lube as if it's an evil thing.
6. When everyone looks so happy spooning, but IRL, someone is losing the blood circulation in their arm.
7. And when people have sex in strange places in their home, like on their dining room table, and the table doesn't break. HOW?!
8. When nobody is sweating profusely after sex, but everyone is perfectly glistening.
9. Or when movie couples want to cuddle right after sex, when in reality, you want to get away from them so you can go pee to avoid a urinary tract infection.
10. How nobody slips during shower sex as if it's not wet and super slippery in there.
11. How foreplay in movies lasts all of three seconds and then suddenly they're in the middle of having sex.
12. And when sex lasts for hours and hours without someone getting a leg cramp.
13. Or when the movie shows people climaxing after only 30 seconds of play.
14. When everyone in movies is a sexual Olympian and can instantly master complex sexual positions.
15. When movie couples say they're kinky but only do vanilla shit in the bedroom — where's the head, anal, BDSM, something?!
16. When women always wear matching lingerie as if you don't just throw on whatever's clean in real life.
17. And when no woman is on her period or has an accident while in the bedroom. Y'all know it happens.
18. When you never see granny panties, even though we all own them, and women casually stroll through their apartment in sexy outfits instead of a t-shirt and socks.
19. When people just rip off someone's clothes in one try, like that's possible.
20. When it's always the quiet, tame woman in the movie who ends up performing grandiose strip teases, on her stripper pole, that is so conveniently located at her house.
21. Or when movies never show women just loving their sex toys.
22. Lastly, when nobody makes real noises in the bedroom, and things are kind of silent. Is everyone okay?