The A-Z Of Swearing Like A Badass

Is your swearing a bit 'shit'? Are you frustrated by the limitations of your vulgar vocab? Well fear not, dickwit, Viz's Profanisaurus is all you need.

A - arse wasps

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A swarm of aggressive imaginary insects that attack and sting your anus after a particularly hot curry.

B - beeriod

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n. Twice weekly affliction suffered by men after a night on the sauce. Symptoms include headache, mood swings, and a bloated stomach. 'Leave me alone woman, I've started my beeriod.'

C - Columbo's mac

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n. A rumpled fiveskin that is much too long for the one-eyed bobby it covers.

D - dead otter

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n. A single stool of immense proportions.

E - egg Mcwhiff

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n. A particularly sulphurous mid-morning buffet produced after breakfasting at a fast food restaurant.

F - flapmonger

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n. One who mongs flaps. A tart farmer, a pimp.

G - gingle

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adj. The forlorn state of being ginger and single.

H - hung like a hummingbird

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adj. To have a cock like a Chinese mouse.

I - Ikea bulb

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n. A lady that blows first time one turns her on.

J - jazz talc

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n. Bolivian marching powder, gear, Keith Richards' dandruff.

K - kweef

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. US A pump from the front bottom, a drop of the hat, frontwards.

L - larse

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n. medic. The lateral point of the upper thigh where the leg becomes the arse.

M - map-a-tasi

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n. Aus. Minge. From 'Map of Tasmania', the small hairy island that smells of fish off the south east coast of Australia.

N - norks

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n. Tits, knockers. Also norkers, norgs, norgers.

O - organzola

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n. Helmetdale, bellend brie. Knob cheese.

P - pizzle

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n. medic. A sorry looking cock, like one would imagine the Pope has.

Q - quiche eater

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n. A sensitve man.

R - Rasputin

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n. An unkempt vaginal or anal beard.

S - snoregasm

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n. A wet dream.

T - thighbrows

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n. A profusion of bikini overspill. Loose baccy.

U - ugly taxi

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n. A vehicle which mysteriously delivers an ugly person into one's bed on a Saturday morning.

V - vicar's piss

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n. Any particularly weak beer.

W - wanking chariot

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n. A single bed.

X - X-piles

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n. Mysterious unidentified throbbing objects from your anus.

Y - yabba dabbas

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n. The climatic stages of intercourse which immediately precede the dooooooos!

Z - zorba

greeksongs-greekmusic.com / Via greeksongs-greekmusic.com

1. rhyme. slang. To have a piss. From Zorba the Greek - leak. 2. v. To have sex in the Greek style. 'Sorry I can't sit down. I've been zorba-ed.