Why Too Many Cooks Is Just Like Tinder

Have you ever noticed that swiping through Tinder is like watching Too Many Cooks?

Poor Will. He’s probably really good at DIY and fixing things. But when you have to make a snap judgement about someone, Will’s probably going to fail. He has a classic case of the crazy eyebrow. It looks like it’s about to fly off and hit you in the face like a furry little boomerang. It’s just not romantic. But he’s probably a great conversationalist.

Charlie thinks this is Ashley Madison. We can smell your philandering ways through the screen. Smells like betrayal and Old Spice. With just a hint of swamp-taint. 42% of Tinder users aren’t single, and although it hasn’t been confirmed scientifically - I believe 100% of men wearing suits in their online dating profile are already spoken for. Why? Suits are the man. Damn the man. Save the empire.

Egads. We all know John. John is 35-years-old without a job, but still thinks gobbling ecstasy like tic tics is a cool way to spend the night. His profile says he’s very serious about music. He immediately grills you about what’s happening on your Spotify playlists, but then it’s revealed that John is one of the few people who believes Kanye IS a musical genius. Fuck off, John.

I KNOW YOU’RE NOT A REAL FIREMAN, CLAYTON. Also, your face is partially obstructed by abs and chicken nuggets, which is a legit ploy that has fooled me once, but never again.

Almost everything looks right, and then there’s one glaring inconsistency that makes you feel super uncomfortable. Like when a dude is clearly chilling with another girl and crops her head out. Or if he’s vomiting blood. Vomiting blood isn’t always a deal breaker. But cropped lady heads most definitely are.

Wait, how old are you?

Don’t lie. You’d right-swipe the shit out of Smarf. Smarf is Tinder gold. But for every Smarf there’s a...

HOW CAN ANYONE BE THIS BORING? IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE? WHO PUTS ‘FLAN’ AS A HOBBY?

The dude who is so creepy he literally crashes your phone.

Too Many Cooks!

Yeah, finding love online is just a tricky as finding a date IRL. It might be easier to strike up conversation with the safety of space between you, but it’s still a tough crowd to navigate through without ending up like Katie Adkins.

Don’t give up. It might seem like you’re wading through the devil’s rejects from time to time, but eventually you’ll find a hunky policeman with bad periphery vision.

Too Many Cooks!