1.
Soap when you drop it in the shower
2.
[inside washing machine] duvet cover: climb in my brothers every single piece of clothing: we shall build a new life in the big sock
3.
back in 2014, Happy by Pharrell spent 10 weeks at number one. could u imagine if he dropped that song now?? He would get 3 streams and a cease and desist letter from society
4.
my daily routine is very simple. i wake up and i suffer
5.
Look at this photo of a cat taken in panorama I just saw on Facebook
6.
“Flight at 10 pm” Mom at 7 am: https://t.co/19riW1DnEv
7.
british cooking shows: tell us about this wee tart youve made, the crust is just lovely american cooking shows: we’ve replaced your knives with philips head screwdrivers & released raccoons in the kitchen. the clock is set for 30 seconds, please bake us peace in the middle east
8.
wife: why r u putting garlic in ur pants me: so dracula won’t try to eat my ass wife: why would dracula try to eat ur ass me: he won’t. the garlic- r u even listening
9.
call me zack cuz idk what the effron with me
10.
When you type an entire rant and decide not to press send
11.
me: you have to work me: i don’t want to me: good point
12.
u telling me a cloud managed this service?
13.
I saw your text I'm just waiting until I have enough serotonin to reply
14.
Woman: I also enjoy the activity you mentioned Man: I will now force you to prove this to me with some trivia questions
15.
stop asking me how i've been i literally have no idea
16.
my wife witnessed a miracle today & yelled across the house with an urgency that had me sprinting. I thought something terrible had happened but when i came into the kitchen she said: Look...
17.
Taking inspiration from birds and every few minutes just letting out a big scream
18.
I've been laughing at this meme for maybe 6 months now.
19.
I might not be girlfriend material but I’m definitely
20.
If you loved the Scholastic book catalogue/book fair then you 100% have anxiety as an adult
21.
the cullens really prepped a whole italian meal just because her name is 'bella' seven fucking vampires and not a brain between them
22.
texting ppl “hey!” is always a trap... like hey to u too, you’ll get a response when u tell me what u want u coward
23.
the first two days of lockdown vs now
24.
25.
Going back to my room after yet another long day of being in the living room
26.
plants rlly b like ‘I do not vibe with this dirt’ and die
27.
Yes my dude
28.
Good morning, please enjoy the photos that finally broke me
29.
i’m gonna be honest with y’all i am NOT feeling fly like a g6