1.
2020: the year professionalism died.
2.
everyone acts like it’s so easy to be Australian but possums keep breaking into my house and stealing fruit
3.
Do you ever think about the fact that Mark Holden waving his arm and screaming 'touchdown' was the height of Australian TV for about 3 years?
4.
I’m not there yet, but one more week of isolation and I will know every @TheWiggles song by heart
5.
Baked a delicious lasagna, and dropped the whole thing on the floor as I took it out of the oven. Now I’ve ordered Maccas. Fucking 2020.
6.
Taking inspiration from birds and every few minutes just letting out a big scream
7.
i just wanna go back to simpler times where we only worried about repping suprè tote bags and neon headbands
8.
I changed my Siri to an Australian woman and when I asked her for recipe ideas all she suggested was vegemite toast and called me a cunt. I think I love her.
9.
were you even a ‘00s kid growing up in australia unless you watched the simpsons at 6pm on channel 10 every weeknight
10.
Responses to COVID-19 quarantines- ITALY: Music from balconies BRITS: Clap for workers EGYPT: pray from balconies US: Check on neighbours with notes under door GERMANY: sing from rooftops AUSTRALIA:
11.
People think Australian culture is about mateship and and lamingtons and stuff but mostly it’s about having to turn off wifi and use data in your own home
12.
I might not be girlfriend material but I’m definitely
13.
the order of australia is 1 flake 1 dim sim minimum chips
14.
*australian on the verge of total psychic collapse* look mate,
15.
ok because the wiggles is trending i want everyone to know jeff is the most relatable wiggle because i too fall asleep at any given moment. like stop yelling "wake up jeff" he's tired leave him be
16.
Complimenting Avoiding traffic my boyfriend in Newtown 🤝 Go off King
17.
imagine it’s 2007 and you’re hearing untouched by the veronicas for the first time
18.
me: nooo you can't just put every flavour in milk australia: haha industrial blender go brrrr
19.
“Yummy” by Justin Bieber: -could have been written by a 4 year old -shallow lyrics that are SUPPOSED TO BE FOR HIS WIFE -not educational “Fruit Salad” by The Wiggles -written by the Beatles of Australia -educational lyrics that teach you how to make fruit salad -nutritious
20.
They say the best things in life are free but sausage rolls usually cost between $3 and $5
21.
the wiggles could write let it be but the beatles couldn't write fruit salad.
22.
My phone just autocorrected shitful to shitcunt and I’ve never felt more Australian.
23.
My plans: 2020:
24.
it's not a true summer's day in australia until everyone in your social circle collectively uploads an instagram story with the same temperature sticker
25.
in australia, we don't call the warm months summer. we call it "fuck it's hot". and i think that's beautiful
26.
I’d never been embarrassed to be related to anyone until today when I found out my mother is one of the Australians bulk buying toilet paper.
27.
I could drop dead in Priceline and would still end up spending $49
28.
Dad's 78th birthday soon. I asked him if there's anything he'd like for his birthday and he replied "3 wicked wings from KFC"
29.
the culture
30.
Australia’s deeply confused relationship with Halloween
31.
Australia's national dishes are: -leftover sludge from brewing beer on white bread with butter -cheap sausages on white bread with butter, served in front of a hardware store -rainbow sugar balls on white bread with butter -chips with chicken salt on white bread with butter
32.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a DIY project, asking that this time I don’t superglue my fingers together
33.
me with normal me with salt: chicken salt: https://t.co/LBAwc3ZPln
34.
I’m an Australian, this means in my head I have a list of rules that are fine for me to break, and a list of rules that if other people break they should be ultramurdered for it. There is some overlap in the two lists
35.
me when i leave my psych appointment at 8am:
36.
The last great Australian dynasty
37.
Australian Christmas tree
38.
Congratulations Australia. When the spectre of global crisis even hinted at threatening our way of life Italians tried to save their pasta, and we went straight for the dunny roll.
39.
$4.99 no offers. Pick up only at Lindfield #toiletpaper
40.
Me after a trip to Bunnings to "Just buy soil"
41.
is it even an aussie summer if you don't complain about it being too hot then complain when it starts storming and hailing at 4pm
42.
was walking behind a guy in a guzman y gomez hoodie and baseball cap and i kept thinking “damn this dude loves gyg, he’s a bloody maniac for a burrito” and didn’t realize until three minutes later that he probably just works there
43.
Remember that bizarre group of girls in school who were obsessed with saddle club, said they could understand a horses feelings, and made sure you saw them eating carrots any chance they got? 😂 Just wanted to let you know we’re doing well and all have great vision.
44.
did you used to watch h2o: just add water and believe you could turn into a mermaid so you would search on youtube "how to become a mermaid" and follow these ridiculous videos like dipping your left pinky into 73 degree salty water at 8:21 pm or are you normal
45.
Wash for Julia
46.
if anyone's ever wondered how they weigh a koala...
47.
bro how tf do macbooks cost like $3000 but sound like a jet engine when you open like 4 links at the same time? make it make sense
48.
Seems like lots of people are reaching baking point
49.
people in sydney be like “I know a spot” and then take you here 🍇
50.
Eucalyptus are the only plants named after what they would say if pruned
51.
52.
An Australian tip for all Americans if someone says “hey mate ( pause ) how’s it going?” You’ve probably done something shitty if it’s “hey mattyyeeee how’sitgannn” you’re in the clear.
53.
The Australians aren't fucking about with the virus....
54.
Me: [sends email, feeling lighter] Recipient: [replies immediately] Me: HOW DARE YOU
55.
Dropping my husband off to Hubby Daycare