Had your first crush in pre-schoolHave at least three crushesAnd they change all the freaking timeYou’ve had a crush on your teacherTWICEThrice?You’ve flirted your way to getting what you want at least onceYou’ve stalked your crush on InstagramAnd basically in all social media platformsAnd you’ve accidentally liked their post 53 weeks agoIbang level ‘yung kilig mo nung chinat ka n’yaKahit nagpa-like and share lang namanTawang tawa ka sa jokes n’ya kahit cornyMay kasamang hampas paConsidered an achievement for you ‘yung legit kayong magka-chat ni crushAnd naging desperate ka na to keep the conversation going so kung anu-ano na lang tinanong moSobrang proud ka sa sarili mo ‘pag pinanood n'ya IG story moYou’ve subtweeted a cute person more times than you’re proud to admitAnd you’ve slid into their DMs on a night you were drunk‘Pag ni-like n’ya ‘yung selfie mo, iniimagine mo na agad ‘yung kasal n’yoYou always ALWAYS hit like on their postsMinsan first liker paTumatabi ka sa kanya ‘pag Ama Namin naAnd they’re the first one you look for ‘pag Peace Be With You naNag-send ka na ng text na kunwari GM pero sa kanya mo lang talaga sinendOr kunwari wrong send pero sadya talaga ‘yunOr kunwari butt dialYou’ve been told you’re “makati” by your friendsAnd they always give you updates about your crushes because they know your thirst too wellYou’ve gone to a certain event just because nandun si crushFavorite linyahan mo ‘yung “Di kaya ako malandi!”And classic excuse mo naman ay “Friendly lang ako!”Tapos pagtatawanan ka lang ng friends mo ‘pag sinasabi mo ‘yunMinsan napapaisip ka na rin sa sarili mo why you’re the way that you areAnd in fairness naman, Bimb, you wanna change naUnless biglang dumating si crush so fuck dat and aura ka na ulit
If You've Done 25/36 Of These Things, You're Probably Malandi AF
You're not at all malandi! Step up your game, beshie! Charot.
You're lowkey malandi. You can be malandi if you want to, if you're also okay with not scratching that itch, if you catch my drift. Saks lang, kumbaga.
YOU'RE MALANDI AF! Confeeeermed beshie! DM mo na si crush, go! Nahiya ka pa eh!