Everyone loves a good read (and I'm not talking about books).
So, when Reddit user u/ILikeExistingLol asked the wonderful people of r/AskReddit, "What's an absolutely devastating insult without any cuss words?", I knew I needed to share my favourite responses.
1. "First of all, brush your teeth."
2. "It’s been swell, but the swelling’s gone down."
3. "I'm a fan of 'sharp as a bowling ball and twice as dense.'"
4. "I miss the feeling of not knowing you."
5. "I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent."
6. "I envy everyone that's never met you."
7. "I have told people at work, 'you are the reason I'm gonna drink tonight.'"
8. “I swear, you would struggle to pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.”
9. "I knew a guy who liked to describe coworkers as 'having him here is like having two good workers missing.'"
10. "Not particularly devastating, but I call my cousin an unseasoned chicken wing when she's being really lame."
11. "You're not pretty enough to be this stupid."
12. "You couldn't guess which way an elevator is going if you had three guesses."
13. "Mr. Rogers would be disappointed in you."
14. "I don’t care what everybody else says, I think you’re alright."
15. "Like, besides yourself, do you think anyone is proud of you?"
16. "A dear Christian lady, trying to be diplomatic about my friend, said that 'he has an unfortunate personality'. Ouch!"
17. "Your brain is on airplane mode."
18. "What's the difference between you and ET? ET got the message and went home."
19. "Have the day you deserve."
20. "If someone made a lame joke, my uncle would always say, 'oh look, you made a funny,' in the blandest tone you could imagine."
21. "You're just like a pizza cutter: all edge and no point."
22. “I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight."
Note: submissions have been edited for length/clarity.