19 Reasons Not To Go To The Beach This Summer

    Rhymes with "shmarks."

    Let's start by making sure we're all on the same page:

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    OK? OK. Let's begin:

    1. Nope.

    2. No.

    3. Mmmmm no.

    4. Oh hell no!

    5. Yea, no.

    6. Oh, you're going to the beach? No.

    7. Absolutely not.

    8. "Nope nope nope nope," say all the little fishies.

    9. Noooooope.

    10. Hahahahahahaha! No.

    11. Even animated...NOPE.

    12. Innocent, land-locked Slip 'N Slide?

    13. Later, mermaid.

    14. A shark so ugly that even his momma is like "Nope!"

    15. Your trip to the beach this summer (a dramatization):

    16. A big, flying nooooope!

    17. Fuck this, no.

    18. In conclusion:

    19. Epilogue: Are you safe not at the beach?

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    Nooooope! Moving to Kansas. Bye!