8 People You Meet In Your Office Fantasy League
The return of fantasy football also heralds the return of certain fantasy football stereotypes.
1. 8 People You Meet In Your Office Fantasy League
By Brett Williams, Copywriter at Intermark Group
It’s that time of year again. That time when the air gets a little crisper, the days get a little shorter and living rooms get a little louder. That’s right, it’s football season, and if your office is anything like ours you’ve got many employees very excited about this fact.
The return of football means the return of fantasy football, one of America’s favorite pastimes and the source of much eye-rolling from folks who don’t care much for the pigskin. The return of fantasy football also heralds the return of certain fantasy football stereotypes.
We here at Intermark are no more immune to the siren call of fantasy football than the rest of the country, so we thought we’d add to the fun this year by giving you a list of the type of people you’ll see in your office fantasy football league. Regardless of how competitive or exciting your league may be, these folks will always make their appearance.
So without further ado I give you Intermark Group’s “8 People You Meet In Your Office Fantasy League.”
1. The Expert
The Expert would be the best if he weren’t totally obnoxious. He constantly tells you he’s won every league he’s ever participated in and spends more time checking Twitter for injury reports than he does working. He only takes “value picks”, uses esoteric terms like “DVOA” and “KUBIAK”, and always scoffs when you take more than one player from the same team. He will probably win, which will make him even more insufferable.
2. The Homer
The Homer really loves her favorite team. She grew up just down the road from the stadium, she knows where every player went to college and what their GPA was, and she’s probably better at remembering the Quarterback’s wedding anniversary than he is. So when it’s time to draft, she’ll draft four or five players from her favorite team. She is the most confident player in your league, until the bye week.
3. The Never Pay
The Never Pay is the scourge of fantasy football commissioners everywhere. He’s Mr. “I’ll get you next week”. Suspiciously, the draft seems to coincide with a “really lean month” for him every year. His apparent lack of funds to pay his league fees never stops him from eating half the pizza at the draft or helping himself to a beer whenever he’s watching games at your house. The Never Pay will even invent elaborate routes to the bathroom at the office just to avoid being asked for the umpteenth time to pay his dang dues. Pay your dues, man!
4. The Couple
Despite the fact that only one person is listed as the owner for the team, there is no doubt you’re working against a tag team here. The Couple does everything together, including fantasy football. Their lineup will change constantly throughout the week as they quietly bicker behind the scenes about which matchup is best. The “Marques Colston or Dwayne Bowe” debate is their “Mexican or Chinese for dinner?”
5. The Sleeper
The Sleeper has it all figured out you guys, so you might as well forfeit now. You think you should take Adrian Peterson number one overall? HA! The Sleeper laughs in the face of your conformity. He knows that the Bears fourth string wide receiver is really their best wide receiver and he’s convinced this is the year that Rashad Jennings really “breaks through.” His knowledge of obscure NFL players is matched only by the mediocrity of his team.
6. The Forgetter
You’ll be watching as your fantasy team dies a flaming death all because you don’t have good running backs and meanwhile, the Forgetter has Adrian Peterson just sitting on her bench. When pressed about why she always forgets to set her lineup, she will always answer with something along the lines of, “I was at this loft party in SoHo and I met Pitbull and we ended up getting chicken and waffles and it was amazing!” The Forgetter is most infuriating because she actually has better things to do than fantasy football.
7. The Newbie
This guy has never played fantasy football and it shows. Most of his draft rankings are based on what he remembers from playing Madden and he’ll inevitably take a kicker in the sixth round of the draft. There is nothing more demoralizing than being beaten by The Newbie. Because of this he will almost certainly win the league.
8. The No Trade
Despite the fact that he has great wide receivers and is starting a guy you’ve never heard of at running back, he will not trade. The No Trade is the conspiracy theorist of the fantasy football world, always convinced that everyone is out to get him. Even if every trade you present him is fairly balanced and beneficial to both teams, he’s having none of it. He’s like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, only his “precious” are all those wide receivers he refuses to let go.
Despite the presence of these obnoxious stereotypes in every league, fantasy football is still one of the most fun things to do in the office. It should probably have its own job number, considering it’s the only thing that’s actually getting worked on for months. So go out there and have fun, dominate the office fantasy league, and please, try not to be the No Trade. That guy is the worst.
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