First and foremost, fuck the wedding season.
It's basically the crappiest, most overly glorified time of the year, and should be skipped entirely.
1. You end up investing a damn fortune in a bunch of outfits you'll wear, like, once.
2. Your Facebook timeline is just a matrimonial announcement page.
3. Oh, and baby albums, because people who got married around this time last year just laid their first egg.
4. If you get tricked into wearing mehndi, have fun with the awkward fading for weeks.
5. You have to sit through hours of small talk and pleasantries with relatives.
6. The contents of this small talk range from their genuine shock at you having "become so tall" since 1993...
7. To subtle jabs about how it's now your turn tie the knot, beta.
8. And the kids. The screaming, noisy little spawns of Satan at every wedding venue.
9. Despite the shit-storm your personal life is throwing at you, you have to be at your best behaviour.
10. You get examined prettyyy closely by creepy rando guests.
11. You have to sit through hours of watching uncle jis drink and get turnt TF up.
Their moves are scarring.
12. You're ambushed by delicious buffets but need to look sexy in midriff-revealing clothes.
13. You still have zero idea about what gifts people even give to couples on their weddings.
14. There is inescapable, cringeworthy drama.
15. You have to use up ALL your paid vacation days to sweat through someone else's life milestone.
16. There are literally 6,45,000 frikkin ceremonies just so one couple can bump uglies on a regular basis without parental judgment.
17. You find yourself wondering how people are even affording all this insane extravagance.
18. People start uploading the most unflattering photos from the wedding.
19. And let's not forget having to deal with your own incapacitating aloneness and essential unlovability.
