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17 Reasons Being In A Long Distance Relationship Absolutely Rocks

I love having no intimacy and human touch and who needs kisses and cuddling haha this is amazing I haven't had sex in 6 months woo go me.

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1. You never have to care about shaving.

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Ha ha ha imagine. Imagine not ever shaving, wow. Because you needn't rub your legs against another warm, loving human body at night, and that feels great, right? You won't have to do it! :)

2. Also, no spending on two meals in a fancy restaurant.

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Who the fuck wants to share their food and have a lovely evening, AMIRITE, guys?

3. No real life interaction, as a matter of fact.

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It's only long ass phone bills, chill the fuck out lol.

4. And about privacy... Privacy is the best. You don't have anyone interfering in the things you do.

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Like, you know, interfering in your life with a surprise gift or a hug or something? Ew.

5. Holding hands pretty much sucks, of course, 'cause germs.

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One less person to touch. One less sweet romantic gesture. I say that's a win.

6. You don't have to physically hug anyone. Hugs are gross anyway. What if it's like warm, ew.

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Ew, why would I want to hold someone's warm body against mine, right? I mean, what's the point ha ha ha ha.

Ha.

7. And no sharing feelings or cozy fuzzy cuddles, ewww.

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EW @ FEELINGS, RIGHT? Who wants to be understood and empathised with?

8. And let's not even GO to the whole wanting to kiss someone bit, eeewwww.

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What kind of a person longs to kiss someone who is thousands of miles away? Also, ew, romance and sexiness. Gross. Haha. You're lucky you're far away.

9. Are we forgetting? No potential STDs, no pregnancy threats, no weird sexual injuries, HELLO???

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Because no sex!!! Who needs sex!!! Humans definitely aren't socialized to need sex!!! Woohoo!

10. All you have to do is send selfies and video chat and shit.

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And receive them, and they are cute and you want to touch them but can't LOL!

11. Watching a movie alone is the best, obviously. No one's going to disturb you.

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....with surprise kisses or spooning or snacks or anything. That just distracts you from fully appreciating cinematic art.

12. You don't have to go through the trouble of introducing someone to your family and friends.

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Who needs the people you love to meet other people you love? Who needs to feel like the most special person in a room? WHO NEEDS FAMILIAL ACCEPTANCE AND ADORATION. NOT YOU, THAT'S FOR SURE.

13. If there is huge a time gap, then you're lucky again.

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Because that means you have to stay up more to talk to them, BUUUT sleep is for the weak anyway. I personally think the insomniac look is hella sexy.

14. When your friends talk about their significant others incessantly, it's so great to listen and not have to contribute, like, anything.

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Who has the energy to talk about those things? Silence is better.

15. Going on a long drive on a beautiful weekend would be a risk, so it's better left not done.

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Imagine how distracted you could get if you drove with your partner, because – HELLO – feelings?! This could potentially cause an accident and kill you. And anyway, there's nothing appealing about holding hands on the gear and watching the sun rise and the breeze in your hair hahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa who wants that anyway ew.

16. All the couples around you have real life fights because they see each other all the time.

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Who needs THAT kinda drama in their lives? SMH, it's so much better to be miles away where no small arguments can spice up your non-existent sex life.

17. Besides, couples that walk together being all perfect look stupid as fuck anyway.

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Especially around the holidays. You look like idiots. Thank god I'm not you. I am happy with this bag of Cheetos and this leopard print snuggie.

ISN'T LONG DISTANCE THE GREATEST EVER?

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THESE ARE HAPPY TEARS HA HA HA.

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