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24 Problems Only Desi Babies Will Understand

"Cheeks so fat, can't tell if I'm eating gulab jamuns or I AM one."

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1. Having a teeka and eyebrows drawn on as soon as you're born. #FreshOutTheWomb #BrowGameStrong

2. Having your eyes stuffed with 2.3 pounds of kajal and temporarily going blind.

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3. Being crushed under the weight of your immense royal swag.

4. Keeping your family's honour alive by wearing at least twelve pieces of heavy, real gold jewelry at all times.

5. Which requires being able to wear at least 25 gold bangles by the time you can sit on your own.

6. Losing the original shape of your face, thanks to constant cheek-pinching by adults.

7. And those poor cheeks were already beyond hope due to being stuffed with gulab jamuns.

8. Passing out after ODing on dahi-cheeni.


9. Not being allowed to wear a shirt while eating mangoes, even if you're insecure about your belly fat.

10. Being wrapped in at least 12 layers all year round.

11. Or being totally naked. There are only two options, really.

12. Being powerless against your aunts dressing you up like a doll and posting funny pictures of you on the internet.

13. Hearing parents plan your entire wedding twentysomething years in advance.

14. The pressure of being expected to gracefully carry traditional clothes by age 1.

15. But silently bearing with your parents' non-traditional clothing choices.

16. Dealing with the leftover scrap of your mum's new clothes always being made into an outfit for you.

17. The pressure of looking like a good taxpaying citizen by age 2.

18. Having at least one chacha or mausi who cannot stop taking selfies with you.

19. The pressure of being the coolest accessory at weddings.

20. Casually dressing up as the golden inside foil of a cigarette packet.

21. Training hard to be able to masterfully bhangra as soon as you can walk.

22. Being constantly torn in a dada-dadi versus nana-nani custody battle.

23. Getting tossed between an average of 10 laps per day.

24. Because everyone in the family loves you wayyyy too much to be normal.