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1. A smooth snow broom that won't scratch the paint on your car. It expands to 49 inches, which is perfect for you and your short arms. Snow be gone!
2. A snow shovel with an extra spring handle so you don't have to hurt your back from the constant strain of clearing your driveway, sidewalk, and whatever else is in your way of a clear path.
3. A pair of heat-locking long Johns, because layers are super important when you have to shovel your body weight in solidified water.
4. A couple of investment-worthy tire traction mats that'll be able to help you get your car out of your icy driveway, or even in the springtime with excess mud or sand!
5. A pair of wool gloves with touchscreen technology so you can text your bestie about how much you can't stand snow storms.
6. A pair of insulated, sturdy blaster gloves for anyone who spends all fucking day outdoors and would prefer if their hands didn't get frostbite without sacrificing precious flexibility.
7. A pair of ice cleats you can fold up and pack in your bag so you won't have to slip and slide over black ice while you're walking the dog.
8. And a container of paw protection wax to keep your pup's feet from the burning of ice melt. Poor babies.
9. A set of doggy boots for your bougie dog who can't stand to get her paws wet because she's a queen, dammit!
10. A windshield cover with magnetic edges, because wiping snow off your car with a broom is so 2017.
11. A lightweight, down coat to cover your thighs and butt, because even your lower extremities deserve protection when you're making snow angels.
12. Or a micro puff hoody featuring a waterproof, windproof, and synthetic insulated shell that'll give you so much warmth without feeling weighed down or extra bulky.
13. A North Face chunky tube scarf and cable scarf with heat-trapping and quick-drying technology. You can layer them to use as an actual barrier between you and the snow blowing in your face.
14. A fuzzy pair of insulated wool socks so your whole calf will be able to have another layer of warm and toasty instead of damp and dreary. CUT
15. A pair of duck boots with felt and fleece lining, as well as slip traction, because the days of cold feet and tripping over mounds of snow is fucking over. We're leaving that negativity in 2017.
16. A couple packs of hand warmers and foot warmers that'll provide up to nine hours of much needed heat to the soles of your feet and the palms of your hands.
17. A pair of toasty sheepskin Ugg headphone earmuffs to keep the cute tips of your ears warm while blasting Kodak Black.
18. A pair of fleece-lined leggings and water-repellant alpine pants so your legs can be warm and protected from the elements for long periods of time.
19. A heated ice scraper that'll heat up to 392 degrees and break all the frozen water off your car with sharp teeth without you having to use that good ol' elbow grease.
Reviews here have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Hopefully you won't be as miserable as Jon Snow beyond the wall. Poor bb, winter is here.
