No More Hiding From My Eating Disorder

Hiding from friends, family, myself, and behind the refrigerator door.

Via youngones.ca

No more hiding. I’m saying goodbye.

No more planning every meal, no more obsessing over every “extra” calorie, and no more letting food take control of my life. No more guilt, no more “fat days”, and no more feeling bad for myself.

No more hiding.

Hiding behind the fridge door shoving my hands, face, and mouth at every edible object in sight. No more crouching like a wild animal glued in front of the kitchen bottom cabinet eating not bites- but mouthfuls- of pretzels, cereal, granola, nuts, and chips of any kind.

No more hiding.

Hiding from my best friends, my family, my boyfriend. Making excuses- “Oh I’m just tired”, “I just don’t feel good”, “I already ate”. Not only lying but stealing food from those who care about me the most. Those who would love to share their cookies, their pretzels, their chocolate with their skinny friend who only “eats leaves” in their presence.

No more hiding myself.

No more putting on a façade of a successful, happy, and incredibly “healthy” girl. Because that’s not me; I need help. I’m not perfect.

Behind closed doors I’m uncontrollable. Insatiable. Regretting every bite of every binge but feeling incapable of stopping myself.

I need to stop myself, but I can’t do it alone.

Just because someone looks or seems “healthy”, doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling. I struggled at 110 pounds when anorexia and obsessive whispered around my dorm halls around me. I still struggle a year and a half and 15 pounds stronger.

I’m coming out of hiding. No more hiding from friends and family, from behind the freezer door, and most importantly from my eating disorder.

Via pinterest.com