1. Let's just start it off by easing you into this brain-melting experience. I mean, we've all seen this stapler before. You can probably see one RIGHT NOW on your own desk.
2. Wait... WHAT?!? You're telling me this shit comes in RED?! Very sexy. Very sultry.
3. Well aren't you a happy lil fella?
4. Woah, mama! Things are really starting to heat up, folks! This guy can staple ANYTHING* with just one touch!
5. Now that you've been eased in, we're going to head deep into weird territory. Like this, the stapler of the future!
6. For when you don't have your own cat to lay on top of shit you need to use!
7. You're not a stapler! You're just a cute little cuddle bug! How can this be??!?
8. OMG!!! *SQUEEL!* There's no way these can staple! All these can do is make you coodle!
9. "Don't make me angry, paper! You won't like me when I'm angry!"
10. I just broke a tooth trying to eat this. Does anyone have a contact who practices stapler law?
11. The Real Staplers of Beverly Hills
12. Stapling papers is such a headache! Here, use this one. It'll make you feel better.
13. You've GOT to be kidding me. So that's how they work?!?
14. "Seriously, Sheila? You're really going to put on foundation here in the copy room?" "Um, no, Alex! I'm stapling your TPS report. *sigh* Asshole..."
15. And now we know how dragons became extinct.
16. Lastly, if any of the above fails to do the trick, the toughest way to fix the problem.
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