14 Things I Learned From Drinking That I Should Have Learned In High School

Obviously you must be of legal age to learn these lessons.

1. Peer Pressure Never Goes Away


If it looks stupid, it probably is.

2. Don’t Cheat


Zima is not real alcohol. Don’t be a cheater. Period.

3. Don’t Be A Loner


Don’t be the loser in the corner of the cafeteria or the dude in the alley behind the pool hall. Someone somewhere will be your friend.

4. Judging People is Stupid


If you don’t want to end up drinking the stuff “uncle Bobby” has in his cabinet, then bring your own - but don’t judge. Everyone will end up sloshed when the party’s over.

5. Quality Over Quantity


Good Russian vodka makes hangovers easier to get over. Hooking-up with random girls that you don’t want anyone to find out about is never fun- especially when the pics hit tumblr the next day.

6. Be Yourself


Don’t just drink what everyone else is drinking. Nobody really cares what you are drinking, so you might as well drink what you like. Plus if Jimmy was drinking Zima would you drink it too?
No. you. would. not.

7. Stay Under The Radar


It’s all fun and games until someone calls your parents……..or the police.

8. Pictures Can Do Major Damage


See #5, and for god’s sake - yearbooks are forever.

9. First Impressions Are Completely Worthless 50% Of The Time


I thought I liked gin. I thought I liked gym. Turns out after getting to know them I was wrong about both.

10. You Can Survive Anything


This hangover and high school have to end sometime, right?

11. Know What You Are Good At


Keg stand? All Nighters? Studying? Football?
Nobody is good at calculus - not even people who are good at calculus. Point is: Get in where you fit in.

12. It Doesn’t Matter What People Think Of You


Everyone sucks when you are drunk, or in high school.

13. Sex

You don’t really know exactly what you are doing and you end up looking like a fool.

14. Math Will Always Suck


You don’t need high school or alcohol to learn this lesson.

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