14 Things I Learned From Drinking That I Should Have Learned In High School

Obviously you must be of legal age to learn these lessons.

1. Peer Pressure Never Goes Away

 

If it looks stupid, it probably is.

2. Don’t Cheat

 

Zima is not real alcohol. Don’t be a cheater. Period.

3. Don’t Be A Loner

 

Don’t be the loser in the corner of the cafeteria or the dude in the alley behind the pool hall. Someone somewhere will be your friend.

4. Judging People is Stupid

 

If you don’t want to end up drinking the stuff “uncle Bobby” has in his cabinet, then bring your own - but don’t judge. Everyone will end up sloshed when the party’s over.

5. Quality Over Quantity

 

Good Russian vodka makes hangovers easier to get over. Hooking-up with random girls that you don’t want anyone to find out about is never fun- especially when the pics hit tumblr the next day.

6. Be Yourself

 

Don’t just drink what everyone else is drinking. Nobody really cares what you are drinking, so you might as well drink what you like. Plus if Jimmy was drinking Zima would you drink it too?
No. you. would. not.

7. Stay Under The Radar

 

It’s all fun and games until someone calls your parents……..or the police.

8. Pictures Can Do Major Damage

 

See #5, and for god’s sake - yearbooks are forever.

9. First Impressions Are Completely Worthless 50% Of The Time

 

I thought I liked gin. I thought I liked gym. Turns out after getting to know them I was wrong about both.

10. You Can Survive Anything

 

This hangover and high school have to end sometime, right?

11. Know What You Are Good At

 

Keg stand? All Nighters? Studying? Football?
Nobody is good at calculus - not even people who are good at calculus. Point is: Get in where you fit in.

12. It Doesn’t Matter What People Think Of You

 

Everyone sucks when you are drunk, or in high school.

13. Sex

You don’t really know exactly what you are doing and you end up looking like a fool.

14. Math Will Always Suck

 

You don’t need high school or alcohol to learn this lesson.

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