How To Go Through Your Hate Pile

You know, sometimes we have times in our life when everything is crappy. Where nothing seems to go right and no matter what you do, you always feel like it breaks apart. It seems that no matter what you wish or want, it isn't happening. Here's a few ways to cope with what I call, 'The Hate Pile'

1. If you have immense anger and other negative feelings, don't listen to anyone else to 'get over it'.

'The Get-Over-It' Monster of 'Personal Monsters' by Christie Shinn / Via kickstarter.com

This is crap. You need the space to be able to feel these emotions. Any anger, hatred, confusion, anything negative, are valid because things are ALL NOT RIGHT WITH YOU. I have had people give me the advice 'get over it' after a terrible and heartbreaking situation, only to tell me that they wanted to STAB that same offender in the same sentence. I'm not a psychologist or counselor, but it seems to me that's why almost every person I meet has some sort of anxiety, depression, or has some misdirected projection instead of actually addressing it, or if they have any one of these conditions, it's made worse.

2. There is a big difference of BEING angry to REACTING out of anger or any other negative emotion.

'The Pukemonster' of 'Personal Monsters' by Christie Shinn / Via horatorastudios.com

People often confuse being angry to acting or taking action out of anger - or of any negative emotion whatsoever. There is nothing wrong in feeling like how you hate this person, how you'd like to see their comeuppance, etc. This allows you to give space to what you really feel, without judgement, so you can really let it go. Too often people spout out "let it go" without really understanding what it means.

3. Processing your anger and negative emotions gives you better inspired action that is usually more productive and positive for you as a person and others.

'Demon Bitch and the Pukemonster' by Christie Shinn

Whether it's talking yourself through, about, and telling yourself it's okay to feel this way about the situation, you react less destructively and more appropriately to the situation. Trust that in some fashion a solution will happen that will make it better. Some situations do require a knee-jerk reaction, but not all, which leads me to the next tip.

4. NO SOLUTION IS UNIVERSAL.

'The Depressus Finish Line Dragging' by Christie Shinn / Via kickstarter.com

Not everything can be solved with being hit with a hammer. Sure, it makes things simpler, but it can break things that don't need it. Follow your gut and how you feel. If you have a question of what to do, don't do it! Wait until an answer comes to you in the shape of your own epiphanies to other situations coming into play to take some inspired action. Avoid anyone that gives the "all or nothing" answers in terms of what "they'd do". That's nice, it's what they do - it's not you. Go with what resonates with you to do with that situation. It's a generally a more compassionate solution. Of course at any point in time you can go to a therapist/counselor for any insight or a compassionate third party feedback.

5. Share wisely.

'Two-Faced Bitch' by Christie Shinn / Via horatorastudios.com

Even though I think increased communication is great. Sometimes putting your personal problems out there invites a lot of people to say a bunch of stuff that really may not pertain to you because they really don't know you. Don't get me wrong, I've gotten some bits of advice that were valuable from random people. Unfortunately, the internet denizens do like to troll, or project their own problems via their solutions to you. That can give you doubt and be extremely hurtful, especially if you're in a vulnerable situation. Beware of someone (even some friends) that you ask for dating advice and says, "don't date ever" which is about as useful as Skynet bringing about world peace by attempting to kill all humans in Terminator. Use your own personal judgement and share with someone you KNOW has empathy for you and will truly try their best to put themselves in your shoes.

6. Don't blame yourself.

'The Anxiety Monster' by Christie Shinn / Via horatorastudios.com

You know, whenever I've been hurt by others, there were some that were in my friends list (not anymore now!) that when I spoke to about what hurt me, their first reaction was to sneer, "You're too trusting." Don't take that in. There is a definite difference between responsibility and someone taking your trust and whatever empathy you have and stomping all over it with dung-caked boots. EVERYONE HAS BEEN SCREWED OVER AT SOME POINT. THAT'S HOW YOU LEARN WHO AND WHO NOT TO TRUST. No one has a right to give you crap for trusting - it's what connects us with people! It's what makes us live our life goals and dreams! Plus, none of what I've accomplished didn't require trust with and in someone of some sort with my feelings and companionship. Trust is essential. Usually people that sneer at trust are hurt little bitterballs of spikes themselves that are too busy in the shaming mode to really be empathetic.