22 Times Schmidt Made Me Want To Send The "New Girl" Writers A Thank You Note

    "Dammit! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!"

    Hope Lasater
    by Hope Lasater

    BuzzFeed Staff

    We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us Schmidt's best moment on New Girl. Here are the fantastic responses.

    1. When there was a spider in the loft.

    Schmidt is standing on a table holding the light fixture and says, "There it is, it's right there, it's licking its lips"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —mgcamin86

    2. And Schmidt really, really couldn't handle it.

    At different points Schmidt says, "It could be right above our heads, hanging from its butt rope," and, "I can hear it building its sticky, deadly house that you can never leave, building it with its ass,' and, "God, it's left the web to feed"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —hquinn31

    3. When he went looking for his daughter Ruth at a fancy preschool and heard about a break-in.

    A child says, "A white man broke in today," Schmidt says, "A white man, no, well, what did security do about it," the child says, "Nothing," and Schmidt yells, "Typical"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —nattyiscool

    4. When he had to put money in the douchebag jar because of this.

    Schmidt says, "Dammit, I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —peanutbutterswan_

    5. When Schmidt and Jess talked about her date with Robby.

    Schmidt says, "How was your date," Jess says, "It was great, and then it was disastrous," Schmidt says, "Oh, so you had sex with him," Jess says, "No, the opposite," and Schmidt asks, "The opposite, so you gave birth to him"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —awkwardmistakes

    6. When he said "chutney."

    Schmidt says, "I love mango chut-a-ney, really any type of chut-a-ney"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —taylora4e62a0521

    7. When he shaved his "caterpillar eyebrows" because he thought everyone was making fun of them.

    Schmidt is without most of his eyebrows and smiles at Winston, Winston screams, and Schmidt says, "They're gone"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —jmorrison9211

    8. When he trash talked beans.

    Schmidt says, "Beans are nothing but soggy nuts"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —cundy397

    9. When Nick was sitting in the parking spot everyone wanted and Schmidt took drastic measures.

    Nick says, "Schmidt, no," Schmidt hits Nick and Nick says, "You just hit me," Schmidt says, "Damn right I did, you're sitting right in the middle of the spot," and Nick says, "You hit me with your car over a parking spot, Schmidt"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —g_bernie

    10. When Cece and Schmidt tried to have a nice first night in their new house after reading about the neighborhood's crime rates, but then they heard a noise.

    Schmidt and Cece are in bed and there's a loud bang, they jump and Schmidt yells, "What the hells was that, are you the criminals, from the statistics"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —noorjehanansari12

    11. When Schmidt had a cast for his broken penis and couldn't scratch an itch on his "undercarriage," so Jess helped.

    Nick says, "What am I watching here," Jess says, "What do you mean," and Schmidt says, "This is friendship, pure unadulterated friendship"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —a44a0e643b

    12. When Jess brought a hutch she found on the street into the loft, and Schmidt deeply hated it.

    Schmidt says, "Get rid of it, Jess, pine has no place in this loft, it's the wood of poor people and outhouses"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —des01

    13. When he explained why he really wanted to see Nick's penis.

    Schmidt says, "What if Nick gets into an accident and he's disfigured, I have to identify him and all that remains are his private parts, and I say, ‘Sorry officer, I can’t help you, I haven’t seen his penis,’ then boom, he’s in an unmarked grave"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —jamiet4f4a4957b

    14. When he crushed Halloween.

    Schmidt is dressed up in a snake costume with a tie and a briefcase and he says, "I'm a public serpent"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —bac1986

    15. When he couldn't contain his excitement.

    Schmidt jumps up on the wall and then yells, "Parkour"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —noelleburns

    16. When he described Nick and Winston's brands.

    Schmidt says, "But if there's anything that majoring in marketing with a minor in theater studies has taught me, it's that everybody has a brand, Nick, your brand is gypsy-alcoholic-handyman, Winston, your brand is *Winston*"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —christyp4d53153ef

    17. When he was over youths.

    Schmidt says, "This is a horrible neighborhood, okay, there are youths everywhere" and then he sees his tires are gone and he yells, "Youths"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —faithelisef

    18. When he wanted a lionfish but didn't realize it was a metaphor for Cece, then he let the fish go once he put two and two together.

    Winston says, "We both know what you really want is Cece," and Schmidt says, "Cece the woman, you can’t put a woman in a fish tank, Winston, that doesn’t make any sense"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —jegreen26

    19. When Jess wanted to get a bathtub for the loft and he was not interested.

    Schmidt says, "Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons, pass"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —sopranojkm

    20. When he and Nick were about to be outnumbered in a fight and he tried to be intimidating.

    Schmidt says, "Schmidt, Schmidt, Schmidt," Nick says, "What are you doing," Schmidt says, "I'm being a man, I'm Schmidt, Schmidt, Yeah, I'm Schmidt, in case you were wondering what my name is, it's Schmidt, Schmidt, this is Nick, Nick, Schmidt"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —and8

    21. When Winston refused to believe that he was colorblind, despite thinking his green shoes were brown.

    Schmidt says, "If you think those shoes are brown, what color do you think you are"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —kxllynxcxlx

    22. And finally, when he proposed to Cece holding the same five dollar bill from the night they met.

    Flashback Cece says, "You're about to say something stupid," Schmidt holds a fiver and says, "Girl Imma marry you," Cece says, "Jar," present Cece says, "You're gonna say something stupid," and Schmidt says, "Girl, will you marry me"
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    —kohnegirl