Posted on Dec 4, 2020

27 Times Nick From "New Girl" Was The Gift That Kept On Giving

"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."

by Hope Lasater

BuzzFeed Staff

In a car, Nick fist bumps and mimes the fiddle in Cotton Eyed Joe, and Jess says, "Why did you need me for this, Nick"

Nick says, "You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie, you gave me a cookie, gave you cookie, gave me cookie, got you cookie, you gave me cookie, I got you cookie, man, gave me cookie, got you cookie"

Nick says, "These knives are a part of me, like that, uh, scissorhand guy, what is his name again, is it Rick Snip"

While Jess is yelling in excitement, Nick is stone-faced, then he screams, then he passes out

Nick says, "I like getting older, I feel like I'm finally aging into my personality"

Nick says, "Schmidt, no, absolutely not, no, I don't trust fish, they breathe water, that's crazy"

While Coach rides away on the front half of a tandem bike, Nick screams "I'm not on, I'm not on, I'm not on"

Winston asks, "You put bologna in your Bolognese," and Nick says, "Where else would it get its name, trick question, it gets it from the mayonnaise"

Nick is on the outside of a window ledge and yells, "Help me, I've made a very bad mistake"

Nick says, "I can't see it, I can't see where it goes, 'cause then when she comes in here I'll just yell 'trash,' I'll yell 'trash,'" Jess says, "Cover your ears and sing Landslide," and Nick covers his ears and sings, "I took my love and I took it down"

Nick says, "When I was 10, I once walked by my mother sleeping, and I snuck in the room and I put a lemon in her mouth"

Nick wearing a shirt so long it's a dress, says, "It keeps the top really warm and lets my bottom breathe"

Nick slowly jumps out of a car head first

Schmidt stands below his height marks on the wall and says, "Look at this, I'm freaking shrinking," Nick whispers, "I took a photo of the wall, shrunk it down, made a copy at an architect's office, from there it was a basic spackle-and-silkscreen job"

Jess says, "Babe, you have some powdered sugar on your—" Nick says, "Back off, I'm starving," Jess says, "Come on, just let me get it off, it's so much," and Nick says, Get your own French toast, Jess"

Nick says, "I will push if I wanna push," and then when he can't get the door open he yells, I hate doooors"

Nick says, ""They should make more foot lotion for your hand, foot lotion hand"

Nick says, "Do I regret it, yes, would I do it again, probably"

Schmidt says, "Do you even wash it" and Nick says, "No, I don't wash the towel, the towel washes me, who washes a towel"

Nick says, "When you're naked, you're powerful and it's glorious, when you're changing, you're hunched over and cowering, like an animal," and Schmidt says, "Animals don't wear clothes, Nick"

Nick says, "Something's happening to me, I want to sit at that desk and veto a law," Jess says, "What are you doing, it's someone else's stuff," and he says, "When I put my hand on this desk, I feel sexually proficient for the first time in my life"

Nick says, "Would you like a green grape shoved in your—given to your mouth—handed to your mouth"

Jess says, "It keeps your hair back," Nick asks, "You need Bobby's pins to put your hair up," and Jess says, "It's bobby pins, not Bobby's pins"

Nick says, “You want to know what I'm thinking, I like dogs more than cats, I like chipmunks more than squirrels, I believe in UFOs, I had a bass teacher who did the standing bass who had a weird smell, I still think about it, his name was Mister Hilton"

Nick says, "Doctor Sam, if you were a hat, you'd be a top hat, but like a really big Monopoly one, and I say that of the deepest compliments"

Nick says, "I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words"

Nick says, "I'd trust Beyoncé with my life," flashback to him singing, "Ride it with my surfboard, surfboard, surfboard, bringing on that wood, oh baby, bringing on that wood," and back in the present Nick says, We be all night, we be all night"

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