32 "New Girl" Jokes That Are Unequivocally Some Of The Funniest Lines Of All Time

    "Ain't no way in hell I got a cat brothel going on in my room and I'm the only normal person in this loft."

    We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what they think the greatest New Girl joke of all time is, and boy oh boy, did people deliver! Here are some of the best responses.

    Warning: Spoilers ahead!

    1. When Jess violated Nick's privacy, so Nick went through all the stuff in her room.

    Nick picks up a huge spool of yarn and says, "What is this" Jess says, "yarn" Nick says, "What are you knitting, a mansion"

    2. When Schmidt asked for a drumroll to celebrate the loft getting hot water again, but Jess and Nick gave it their own spin.

    Schmidt says, "Ladies and gentlemen, drumroll, please," Nick and Jess do a tom-tom and a cymbal, Schmidt says, "Cut, cut, Nick, snare drum, I shouldn't have to specify, Jess, that was a cymbal," and Jess says, "Cymbals are part of the drum kit"

    3. When everyone in the loft was having a weird and rough few days, so Winston gave them a talking to.

    Winston says, "Ain't no way in hell I got a cat brothel going on in my room and I'm the only normal person in this loft"

    4. When Schmidt went looking for his daughter at a fancy preschool, but instead heard about a break-in.

    A little girl says, "A white man broke in today," Schmidt says, "A white man, no, well what did security do about it," the little girl says, "Nothing," and Schmidt yells, "Typical"

    5. When Nick went to Jess's creative writing class in his Julius Pepperwood disguise in order to spy on a student he thought was going to hurt her.

    Nick, in his Julius Pepperwood disguise, says, "How you guys doing, I'm Julius Pepperwood, I'm an ex-cop, ex-marine, I'm here to learn how to write short fiction, I'm from Chicago, thin-crust pizza, no thank you, I'm from Chicago"

    6. When Nick and Schmidt told Jess why she didn't have what it takes to "juggle men," and they remembered her tripping.

    Schmidt says, "You tripped the other day just standing there," and then we see the flashback of Jess tripping while standing still and saying, "It's happening"

    7. When everyone in the loft was learning about their "pogos" (what people talk about behind their backs), and Schmidt and Winston had a weirdly heated discussion about toenails and accidental boners.

    Winston says, "At least you can hide your 'pogo' in a shoe," and Schmidt says, "They make shoes for your penis, they're called pants"

    8. When Nick called Jess a gold digger for being more interested in him when he was trying hard at his job, and she burned him fabulously.

    Jess says, "If I were a gold digger, do you think I'd be interested in you, I would be the worst gold digger in the world"

    9. When Winston avoided studying for his police academy exam by making a billion snowflakes.

    Nick says, "But he's using that to study for his police academy test and he is 'not to be disturbed," and we see Winston making a paper snowflake in his room, then we see that his room is covered in paper snowflakes and he says, "not enough, not enough"

    10. When Schmidt lost his vows the night before his wedding and needed to rewrite them, but then he got so drunk, he couldn't even spell "Schmidt."

    Schmidt says, "I can never write my vows right now, I can barely even spell my own name, S...Jeans... Is that right, is 'jeans' not a letter, it feels like a letter to me" and then he says, "'Jeans' isn’t a letter, jeans is pants"

    11. When a police officer came to the loft for the home visit part of Winston's police academy training and learned way more than she needed to about Nick.

    A police officer says, "What kind of person would urinate on an electrical socket," and Nick says, “I thought it would make lightning"

    12. When Winston was attempting to do a puzzle and asked Schmidt what he thought it would look like.

    Winston, while doing a puzzle, asks, "Hey, Schmidt, what do you think it's going to look like," to which Schmidt says, "What do I think it's going to look like, Winston, it's on the box, the picture's on the box, it's a Japanese garden"

    13. When Jess and Cece's gynecologist friend, Sadie, and her wife came over for dinner and Schmidt gave Sadie a portmanteau.

    Schmidt saying, "You are a gynecologist and a lesbian, which makes you, well, a vagenius"

    14. When Nick told Jess what she needed to do to fit in with her boyfriend's extremely wealthy parents, and Winston came in hot with a great "fact."

    Nick says, "You better learn how to ride a polo horse" and Winston says, "It's actually a polio horse, originally they were bred as helper horses for people with polio, but I don't think anything of what I just said was correct"

    15. When Nick saw all of Jess's vintage purses and told her he wanted them to be sexier and covered in gems.

    Jess asks, "You want my purses to be covered in gem stones," and Nick says, "All guys do, that's what we think is sexy, we want to be playing a saxophone in an alley and have you walk by in a mini skirt with a purse with gems, but you girls don't listen"

    16. When Cece and Schmidt tried to have a nice first night in their new house after reading about the neighborhood's crime rates, but then they heard a noise.

    When Cece and Schmidt are in bed, they hear a bang and Schmidt says, "What the hell was that, are you the criminals, from the statistics"

    17. When Jess's boyfriend, Russell, visited the loft and Nick just could not be normal around him.

    Nick takes noodles out of Russell's bowl and Jess says, "Nick, don't eat his noodles," to which Nick says, "Yeah, but we're bowl brothers now"

    18. When Schmidt got so angry at Nick for not just getting him and Cece a wedding present already that he needed to blow off steam.

    Schmidt says, "Now you got Schmidt all cranked up," and Nick asks, "You're cranked up," and Schmidt says, "Yeah, I gotta go to the arcade now and blow off steam"

    19. When Reagan told Winston that she perfectly read the guys in the loft the second she got there.

    Reagan says, “Schmidt’s deal is he had to Shazam 'Stairway to Heaven'"

    20. When Schmidt totally botched the landing into saying, "The good, they do die young."

    Schmidt says, "In the words of the late, great Sir Billy Joel-" and Jess says, "Billy Joel is definitely alive, and he's definitely not a knight"

    21. When Schmidt threatened to destroy Jess and Nick's relationship, so they told each other everything that could be used against them.

    Nick says, "I’m not convinced I know how to read, I’ve just memorized a lot of words"

    22. When Schmidt regretted giving his "Cece box" to charity, and he and the person collecting the donations ended up fighting for it.

    When Schmidt and the collector, Wally, are fighting over the Cece box, Wally blows a whistle and Schmidt says, "Wally, stop blowing the whistle, you're sexually safe"

    23. When Nick pretend-flirted with Jess's mother, but then became genuinely a little into her.

    Nick says, “Do I regret it, yes, would I do it again, probably"

    24. When Jess brought a hutch she found on the street into the loft, and Schmidt refused to accept its presence.

    Schmidt says, "Get rid of it, Jess, pine has no place in this loft, it’s the wood of poor people and outhouses"

    25. When Jess and Nick both "turned off their sex taps" and tried to get the other to break first.

    Nick, holding a water bottle, says "mmm, refreshing," Jess says, "Just drink the water, Nick" and Nick pours the water into his tongue

    26. When Winston refused to believe that he was colorblind, despite thinking his green shoes were brown, and Schmidt couldn't stand what that would mean.

    Schmidt says to Winston, "If you think those shoes are brown, what color do you think you are"

    27. When Schmidt gave Nick a cookie and it caused so much tension between them.

    Nick says, "If I could give you that cookie back, I would, nothing would make me happier than to throw it up, mash it into cookie-shape, and shove it down your throat," to which Schmidt asks, "You wanna mama-bird me the cookie"

    28. When they all went camping for Thanksgiving and Jess fell into a bear trap, so Nick jumped in after her.

    In a forest, Nick yells, "I'm coming, Jess," and then he jumps into a hole and Winston asks, "Head-first, why"

    29. When Jess said an A+ insult to Nick after he inadvertently messed up her day with her boyfriend's daughter.

    Jess says, "I might as well call you Bridge to Terabithia because you make children cry"

    30. When Coach and Winston were about to start a bake-off to see who could make Jess a better birthday cake, so Coach tried some trash talk.

    Coach says, "I'm gonna make a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'ew, why do you say moist, I hate that word," I'm gonna be like, 'Just taste the cake,' and they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist"

    31. When Nick was so excited about Reagan coming for Thanksgiving that he cooked with a knife for, like, the first time in his life.

    Nick says, "These knives are a part of me, like that, uh, scissor hand guy, what is his name again, is it Rick Snip"

    32. And finally, when Nick's anger issues were so bad, he got furious at a pull door.

    Nick trying to push open a pull door and saying, "I will push if I wanna push...come on...I hate doors"