68 Hilarious "New Girl" Moments That We Don't Talk About Enough

    "Dammit! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!"

    Hope Lasater
    by Hope Lasater

    BuzzFeed Staff

    1. Everything about Nick's sauce.

    Winston asks, You put bologna in your Bolognese, and Nick says, Where else would it get its name, trick question, it gets it from the mayonnaise
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    2. Cymbals are part of the drum kit.

    Schmidt says, Ladies and gentlemen, drumroll, please, Nick and Jess do a tom-tom and a cymbal, Schmidt says, Cut, cut, Nick, snare drum, I shouldn't have to specify, Jess, that was a cymbal, and Jess says, Cymbals are part of the drum kit
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    3. Prank Sinatra's CV.

    Jess says, Every prank you do turns out either too big, flashback Nick says, Did you register me as a sex offender, Jess says, Or too small, flashback Schmidt's eating cereal and says, How'd this blueberry get in here, and Winston starts cackling
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    4. Jess's response when Nick calls her a gold digger.

    Jess says, If I were a gold digger, do you think I'd be interested in you, I would be the worst gold digger in the world
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    5. Schmidt's reaction to hearing about a break-in at his daughter's preschool.

    A child says, A white man broke in today, Schmidt says, A white man, no, well, what did security do about it, the child says, Nothing, and Schmidt yells, Typical
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    6. What Nick thinks is sexy.

    Jess asks, You want my purses to be covered in gem stones, and Nick says, All guys do, that's what we think is sexy, we want to be playing a saxophone in an alley and have you walk by in a mini skirt with a purse with gems, but you girls don't listen
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    7. What makes Schmidt angry and scared at the same time.

    Schmidt says, God, I hate that you knit, I hate everything about it, Jess asks, Why, and Schmidt says, It makes me angry and scared all at the same time, just like when I hear the phrase, Academy Award-winner, Anna Paquin
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    8. Jeans is pants.

    Schmidt says, I can never write my vows right now, I can barely even spell my own name, S, Jeans, is that right, is jeans not a letter, it feels like a letter to me and then he says, Jeans isn’t a letter, jeans is pants
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    9. The names of Nick's testicles.

    Winston says, You've named your testicles, and they're both named Sharon, and Nick says, Yeah, so what
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    10. Schmidt's reaction to a spider in the loft.

    Schmidt is standing on a table holding the light fixture and says, There it is, it's right there, it's licking its lips
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    11. He really, really couldn't handle it.

    At different points Schmidt says, It could be right above our heads, hanging from its butt rope, and, I can hear it building its sticky, deadly house that you can never leave, building it with its ass, and, God, it's left the web to feed
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    12. Why Coach wanted to go to the outlet mall.

    Winston says, My academy background check is today and I need everybody's help, and Coach says, Can't do it bro, I'm going to the outlet mall today, I'm gonna look like a rich person from three years ago
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    13. When Nick tried to push a pull door.

    Nick says, I will push if I wanna push, and then when he can't get the door open he yells, I hate doooors
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    14. It was a Thursday.

    Coach says, You've never been turned on by gas mileage before, Winton says, Once, Schmidt asks, When was that, Winston says, It was a Thursday, that's all I remember, Schmidt asks, A Thursday, Winston says, Yeah, and Schmidt glares at him
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    15. The way a panicking Nick asked someone if they wanted a grape.

    Nick says, Would you like a green grape shoved in your, given to your mouth, handed to your mouth
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    16. What Jess thinks is a drug movie.

    Cece walks in on Jess putting meth down the shower drain and says, Jessica, what are you doing, you do not put drugs down the shower drain, have you never seen a drug movie before, and Jess says, I don't know, I saw Ray
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    17. Nick's reading level.

    Nick says, I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    18. Cece and Schmidt tried to have a nice first night in their new house after reading about the neighborhood's crime rates, but then they heard a noise.

    Schmidt and Cece are in bed and there's a loud bang, they jump and Schmidt yells, What the hells was that, are you the criminals, from the statistics
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    19. The reason Nick doesn't wash a towel.

    Schmidt says, Do you even wash it, and Nick says, No, I don't wash the towel, the towel washes me, who washes a towel
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    20. That time Schmidt shaved his "caterpillar eyebrows" because he thought everyone was making fun of them.

    Schmidt is without most of his eyebrows and smiles at Winston, Winston screams, and Schmidt says, They're gone
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    21. They had to get rid of a "bag of meth" before Winston's police academy home visit, but Nick's inability to lie got in the way.

    Nick says, I can't see it, I can't see where it goes, cause then when she comes in here I'll just yell trash, I'll yell trash, Jess says, Cover your ears and sing Landslide, and Nick covers his ears and sings, I took my love and I took it down
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    22. When everyone in the loft was having a weird and rough few days, so Winston gave them a talking to.

    Winston says, Ain't no way in hell I got a cat brothel going on in my room and I'm the only normal person in this loft
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    23. What Nick forgot how to do.

    Nick says, You don't forget how to be a lawyer, it's like riding a bike, flashback to him unable to ride and bike and he says They've changed these, then Nick says, Fine, I forgot how to ride a bike
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    24. Jess going off the grid.

    Jess says, I'm so far off the grid that everybody's all, she's off the grid, and then I'm all, I don't play by your rules, I can drink at 11, A M
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    25. When Jess violated Nick's privacy, so Nick went through all the stuff in her room.

    Nick picks up a huge spool of yarn and says, What is this, Jess says, Yarn Nick says, What are you knitting, a mansion
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    26. The source of the clanging.

    Dorado says, What's all that clanging, and Nick says, Oh, it's just a bunch of clanging
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    27. Schmidt hitting Nick with a car over a parking spot.

    Nick says, Schmidt, no, Schmidt hits Nick and Nick says, You just hit me, Schmidt says, Damn right I did, you're sitting right in the middle of the spot, and Nick says, You hit me with your car over a parking spot, Schmidt
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    28. When Nick told Jess what she needed to do to fit in with her boyfriend's extremely wealthy parents, and Winston came in hot with a great "fact."

    Nick says, You better learn how to ride a polo horse, and Winston says, It's actually a polio horse, originally they were bred as helper horses for people with polio, but I don't think anything of what I just said was correct
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    29. Where Schmidt blows off steam.

    Schmidt says, Now you got Schmidt all cranked up, and Nick asks, You're cranked up, and Schmidt says, Yeah, I gotta go to the arcade now and blow off steam
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    30. Jess and Winston's brief discussion of her periods.

    Winston says, And girl, you ain't got a cycle, you got a rollercoaster, Jess says, Don't I know it, girl and then looks down in shame
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    31. Nick's love for Beyoncé.

    Nick says, I'd trust Beyoncé with my life, flashback to him singing, Ride it with my surfboard, surfboard, surfboard, bringing on that wood, oh baby, bringing on that wood, and back in the present Nick says, We be all night, we be all night
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    32. Schmidt trash talked beans.

    Schmidt says, Beans are nothing but soggy nuts
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    33. Nick pranked Schmidt so that Schmidt would think he'd become an old man.

    Schmidt stands below his height marks on the wall and says, Look at this, I'm freaking shrinking, Nick whispers, I took a photo of the wall, shrunk it down, made a copy at an architect's office, from there it was a basic spackle-and-silkscreen job
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    34. Bridgette Wilson-Sampras.

    Schmidt says, I'm the Bridgette Wilson-Sampras here, Cece says, Who, Reagan says, I don't know, Schmidt says, Oh, I suppose you're both too cool to have seen THE WEDDING PLANNER, and then Winston says, Well, I've seen it
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    35. Which Daily Show Nick thinks is the best.

    Nick says, I prefer the Kilborn Daily Show, I think it's the best one
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    36. Jess's response to Schmidt's fish tank.

    Jess asks, Schmidt, an aquarium, when did you become a Bond villain that couldn't afford not to live with roommates
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    37. Schmidt got the fish tank because he wanted a lionfish.

    Winston says, We both know what you really want is Cece, and Schmidt says, Cece the woman, you can’t put a woman in a fish tank, Winston, that doesn’t make any sense
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    38. Nick's response to meeting Prince.

    While Jess is yelling in excitement, Nick is stone-faced, then he screams, then he passes out
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    39. When Nick fake-flirted with Jess's mom but then actually got a little into her.

    Nick says, Do I regret it, yes, would I do it again, probably
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    40. Schmidt and Jess's conversation about her date with Robby.

    Schmidt says, How was your date, Jess says, It was great, and then it was disastrous, Schmidt says, Oh, so you had sex with him, Jess says, No, the opposite, and Schmidt asks, The opposite, so you gave birth to him
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    41. Nick's cookie meltdown.

    Nick says, You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie, you gave me a cookie, gave you cookie, gave me cookie, got you cookie, you gave me cookie, I got you cookie, man, gave me cookie, got you cookie
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    42. Winston avoided studying for his police academy exam by making a billion snowflakes.

    Nick says, But he's using that to study for his police academy test and he is not to be disturbed, and we see Winston making a paper snowflake in his room, then we see that his room is covered in paper snowflakes and he says, not enough, not enough
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    43. When Jess said an A+ insult to Nick after he inadvertently messed up her day with her boyfriend's daughter.

    Jess says, I might as well call you Bridge to Terabithia because you make children cry
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    44. How Schmidt tried to be intimidating when he and Nick were about to be outnumbered in a fight.

    Schmidt says, Schmidt, Schmidt, Schmidt, Nick says, What are you doing, Schmidt says, I'm being a man, I'm Schmidt, Schmidt, Yeah, I'm Schmidt, in case you were wondering what my name is, it's Schmidt, Schmidt, this is Nick, Nick, Schmidt
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    45. When Coach and Winston were about to start a bake-off to see who could make Jess a better birthday cake.

    Coach says, I'm gonna make a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, ew, why do you say moist, I hate that word, I'm gonna be like, Just taste the cake, and they're gonna be like, Damn, it's moist
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    46. Schmidt had to put money in the douchebag jar because of this.

    Schmidt says, Dammit, I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    47. What Nick sleeps in.

    Nick wearing a shirt so long it's a dress, says, It keeps the top really warm and lets my bottom breathe
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    48. Winston sitting closer than Nick.

    An old man says to Nick, Looks like you got old-man back, welcome to the club, and Nick says, Looks like a cool club, then he says to Winston Ugh, you hear that, and Winston says, Yeah, I'm sitting closer than you
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    49. Youths.

    Schmidt says, This is a horrible neighborhood, okay, there are youths everywhere, and then he sees his tires are gone and he yells, Youths
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    50. Nick's response to Russell's house.

    Nick says, Something's happening to me, I want to sit at that desk and veto a law, Jess says, What are you doing, it's someone else's stuff, and he says, When I put my hand on this desk, I feel sexually proficient for the first time in my life
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    51. Also, Nick's inability to be normal around Russell when he visited the loft.

    Nick takes noodles out of Russell's bowl and Jess says, Nick, don't eat his noodles, to which Nick says, Yeah, but we're bowl brothers now
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    52. Winston rolling off the couch while he's sore from police academy.

    Winton says, I can't close my ass, and Jess, Coach, and Nick all look confused
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    53. When Nick drank absinthe.

    Nick says, You want to know what I'm thinking, I like dogs more than cats, I like chipmunks more than squirrels, I believe in UFOs, I had a bass teacher who did the standing bass who had a weird smell, I still think about it, his name was Mister Hilton
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    54. And he gave Dr. Sam the deepest of compliments.

    Nick says, Doctor Sam, if you were a hat, you'd be a top hat, but like a really big Monopoly one, and I say that of the deepest compliments
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    55. Jess's type.

    Jess says, You know me, I'm only attracted to guys who are afraid of success and think someone famous stole their idea
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    56. Foot lotion hand.

    Nick says, They should make more foot lotion for your hand, foot lotion hand
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    57. When Winston was attempting to do a puzzle and asked Schmidt what he thought it would look like.

    Winston, while doing a puzzle, asks, Hey, Schmidt, what do you think it's going to look like, to which Schmidt says, What do I think it's going to look like, Winston, it's on the box, the picture's on the box, it's a Japanese garden
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    58. The time Jess wanted to prove that she and Nick were just as into each other as Schmidt and her sister.

    Jess says, Babe, you have some powdered sugar on your, Nick says, Back off, I'm starving, Jess says, Come on, just let me get it off, it's so much, and Nick says, Get your own French toast, Jess
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    59. Schmidt's perfect Halloween costume.

    Schmidt is dressed up in a snake costume with a tie and a briefcase and he says, I'm a public serpent
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    60. Schmidt's declaration at his "re-branding event" (party), which he threw to celebrate the fact that his penis was no longer broken.

    Schmidt is dancing and says, Yes, my penis is working
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    61. The fact that the song that gets Nick pumped is "Cotton-Eyed Joe."

    In a car, Nick fist bumps and mimes the fiddle in Cotton-Eyed Joe, and Jess says, Why did you need me for this, Nick
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    62. When Winston tried to make small talk.

    Winston asks, Fun Saturday, Dorado says, No, my bird died, Winston says, Well, my mom used to say, when a bird dies, he gets another set of wings in heaven, so, and Dorado says, Well, that bird was going straight to hell
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    63. The lives of Schmidt's other friends.

    Nick says, He called an oven an oves, he calls an airport airp, last month he went to a party called Bros Before Hoes on the Moon, and the dress code was yacht flair, Winston says, Schmidt has a friend who changed his middle name to one word, Doinit
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    64. And finally, Nick tried to tell a Sgt. everything he'd ever done.

    Nick says, Okay, you want the truth, I'll tell you everything, when I was 13 years old, I once made love to myself behind a post office
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    65. He went in depth.

    Nick says, When I was 9, I fed cereal flakes to a frog and it died, then I fed cereal flakes to all little animals, squirrels can live through it, chipmunks can live, anything that lives half in and out of water dies and I don't understand why
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    66. And it's all gold.

    Nick says, When I was 10, I once walked by my mother sleeping and I snuck in the room and I put a lemon in her mouth
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    67. What a concerning and fascinating person.

    Nick says, My sixteenth year, I never got an erection, I thought they were done, I thought my penis was dead, it wasn't
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    68. It makes sense she wanted Winston to move.

    Dorado says, Excuse me, please consider moving, I have no idea why you live with these people, what kind of person would urinate on an electrical socket, and Nick says, I thought it would make lightning
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television