1. I am happy for you. You are adorable together.
2. You are my friends. You accept me.
3. Thank you for always laughing and taking care of me and driving me home when I get drunk at parties.
4. You say I’m great and ask why I’m single. If I knew the answer to that, the question wouldn’t exist.
5. Just say I’m great. Because I am.
6. But don’t assume I’m getting a ton of action just because I’m single. If/when I am, I will tell you. It’ll be big news.
7. Believe me, I try. But it doesn’t always work out how I wish it would.
8. So sometimes I just watch Netflix by myself.
9. Please help me.
10. If I say your other single friend is cute, take the hint. SET ME UP.
11. Invite me to group things or just to hang out with you one-on-one. I need to get out of the house, even if I don’t really feel like it.
12. But please don’t invite me if I’m going to be the third (or fifth or seventh) wheel. That makes it worse.
13. Remember how it feels to be alone. It’s hard.
14. All that being said, I’m actually OK the way I am. My cats and I will be just fine, thank you very much.
15. I know I’m amazing, and it’s everyone else’s loss that I’m single right now.
16. And because I’ve spent so much time watching movies, I have to believe my soulmate is out there somewhere and I deserve nothing less.
17. So don’t worry about me too much. Just keep being my friends, no matter what I say.
- Mick Jagger is a new dad at age 73 and people have some things to say 👀