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17 Torturous Dating Struggles All People From Edinburgh Have Faced

Edinburgh Tinder = about four people, and three of them are Fringe performers.

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1. You're sick of hearing the words, "dating in Edinburgh must be so romantic and exciting!"

BFI / Creative Scotland / DNA Films

NOPE. People think it's all romantic Proclaimers lyrics, walks up Arthur's Seat, and hot Scottish tartan totty. When in fact it's winching someone on the dancefloor as the lights go up in Espionage, or doing it up against the toilet wall in Frankenstein.

2. Firstly, the city is smaller than a Tunnock's Teacake.

commons.wikimedia.org / Twitter: @lornamusique

Which means you're always bumping into misjudged Tinder matches, or misguided Hive hookups, and you're haunted by bad date memories at every turn.

3. And you run out of Tinder options quickly.

After swiping through the city's limited offerings for the fifth time in a week, you'd happily resort to olde-timey personal ads if it meant you had a chance of meeting someone new.

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4. Oh, apart from during the Edinburgh Fringe, of course, but that's not necessarily a good thing.

Edinburgh fringe has ruined tinder

You may get more matches, but things quickly become weird. It can be stressful trying to work out whether people are promoting a show, or whether dressing like a clown or an elderly person actually turns them on.

5. And there's no hope at all if you live in the outskirts.

geograph.org.uk / Twitter: @machotrouts

If you're out of dating app range, you'll be yearning for literally any form of interaction, even the strange sexiness going on during the Fringe.

6. It's well known that people in Edinburgh are pretty reserved, so IRL dating is awkward AF.

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From time to time, you wander the rain-soaked cobbles and duck into charming coffee shops, hoping you'll bump into other single people who are in need of carbs, caffeine, and comfort. But no one speaks to you or makes eye contact because a) they're from Edinburgh, and b) it's 2017, not the 1930s.

7. Desperation usually leads you to The Tron.

Ann Tornkvist / Getty / Google

But everyone gets off with each other, except you. So you spend the rest of the night convincing everyone to go to Hive instead. Then the same thing happens.

8. And even Café Piccante, where the music is so good you wonder why you didn't head there in the first place.

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Who says you can't meet The One while chomping on a battered sausage? Stranger things have happened.

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9. But awkward run-ins with an ex are inevitable.

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It seems like you run into your ex every time you literally step outside in this tiny city, not to mention your ex's new partner, their mum and dad, the entire entourage. Everyone's a friend-of-a-friend-of-an-ex in Edinburgh.

10. And hordes of hens and stags are always rubbing their romantic success in your face, so to speak.

It was great to have Victoria and her hen party on board our Majestic Tour this weekend. Looks like they had fun!… https://t.co/FeGNNtS2hz

They literally go to the lengths of hiring out a bus to make sure you know about it.

11. Plus they'll use any platform to shout about their SO.

Miramax Films / Giphy

You can't even go into any city centre pub without seeing 16 drunk lassies screaming Ed Sheeran songs at the top of their voices. We get it, you're in love.

12. After a while, you try to widen the gene pool by suggesting a wild night out in Glasgow.

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But is a bit of action really worth the horrific, headachey journey back to Edinburgh the next day? Plus, if you meet someone you'll spend most of your life on Scotrail trains going to see them at £12.50 a pop.

13. You get excited when eligible celebs come to the city.

BBC / Twitter: @cam1512

Because it's totally plausible that you'll bump into them, sparks will fly, and they'll whisk you away for a luxury stay in The Balmoral, right?

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14. And if by some miracle you find someone you want to date, picking a place to go is a total minefield.

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Do you pretend to be an intellectual and suggest a movie at the Cameo or Filmhouse, then have to dig into your savings to splash out on the posh popcorn and Pinot Grigio? Or try to find a bar that isn't heaving, noisy, or packed with hen and stag parties? The (limited) choice is yours.

15. Choosing a venue for a second date is even harder.

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Teapot cocktails? Too twee. George Street? Too expensive. A walk in the park? Too cold and wet, no matter the time of year. It's a minefield.

16. But if a date does go well, it's good to know you're always basically within walking distance of a bed.

BFI / Creative Scotland

When you need to get home in a hurry, the size of the city suddenly starts to feel like a blessing after all, especially given the damn taxi prices.

17. And at the end of the day, if it doesn't go well, who cares?

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You still get to live in the most beautiful city in the UK, and fantasise about meeting George Clooney's gaze over a slice of deep-fried pizza and a blue WKD.

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