1. A notebook is not a journal.
“I feel ‘journal’ implies that I’m a 13-year-old girl who rides horses and is obsessed with her Mom, and that’s just not what I’m doing,” says Hannah as Charlie forces her to read aloud the nasty things she wrote about his and her best friend Marnie’s relationship. She is so offended by the word “journal” that she feels the need to clarify that her “notebook” is NOT a “journal.”
2. You shouldn’t always make him stay at your place.
If you never go to his apartment, suddenly you’ll dramatically break up, and you’ll have to go bother his pretentious barista friend to get his address. This is obviously not fun.
3. Learn how to break down a box.
Come on, who doesn’t know how to break down a box? You will be embarrassed by your incompetence if you can’t break down a box. Learn it, Hannah!
4. Don’t tell a guy his bedroom looks like a Target ad.
I fail to believe that in four years of dating, Marnie has never been to her boyfriend’s apartment. But he’s less than pleased when she finally shows up and tells him it looks like an advertisement for Target.
5. You really don’t need to worry about using the lipstick of the cool New York woman you babysit for.
The woman will just say, “Don’t worry, I have like 15. They’re free in gift bags.” So go on, sneak into her bathroom, and put on her dark red lipstick.
6. “There’s no suing app on your iPhone.”
An important thing to consider before you tell your technologically aware boss you’re going to go “Erin Brockovich on his ass.”
7. Be considerate when having sex while hanging out of windows.
You might scare your innocent roommate!
8. If this guy thinks your behavior is creepy and inappropriate, it is probably much more creepy and inappropriate than you may have initially thought.
Adam’s face when Hannah tells him about trying to lure her middle-aged, married boss into bed pretty much says it all.
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