1.
First of all, there WILL be a holiday party at your company (roughly 86.5% chance).
2.
But people will be really apathetic about it (95% chance).
3.
There will be booze (80% chance).
4.
People will get drunk more quickly than they realize (100% chance).
5.
There will not be caviar and French champagne (99% chance).
6.
An extramarital affair will begin (59.8% to 72.2% chance).
7.
The party will take place at lunch (43% chance).
8.
If you wear a furry white bikini with knee-high boots, someone will inevitably relay the story to a reporter (100% chance).