8 Statistical Truths About Your Office Holiday Party

    People will get very drunk, very quickly. Here's the science to prove it.

    1. First of all, there WILL be a holiday party at your company (roughly 86.5% chance).

    2. But people will be really apathetic about it (95% chance).

    3. There will be booze (80% chance).

    4. People will get drunk more quickly than they realize (100% chance).

    5. There will not be caviar and French champagne (99% chance).

    6. An extramarital affair will begin (59.8% to 72.2% chance).

    7. The party will take place at lunch (43% chance).

    8. If you wear a furry white bikini with knee-high boots, someone will inevitably relay the story to a reporter (100% chance).